Ken's Diary of Fun and Bitterness

2005-11-21 - 6:29 p.m.

"Haven't they replaced you with a coin-operated machine yet?"

Back by unpopular demand, it's me! I know I said in my last entry that...uh...hell, I can't remember what i said, it was so long ago. i could look, but that would involve effort, and i'm on vacation, bitches.

So the long and the short of the tour is like this- the Producer got pissed at the other 2 actors, one for leaving, one for being a jackass, (Tom Sawyer is a jackass) and they're both having to pursue legal action to get paid even the money they are for sure owed. They keep calling and writing me to ask if i've had any success. i tell them no.

meanwhile, i told our producer I had no idea what was going on with the 2 of them because i left it to them to settle their own issues like adults. Basically, I've lied through my teeth to all three of them. End result? They all hate each other in a 3 way triangle of animosity, they all think i'm their friend, and the producer paid me the money I'm owed, and I got all 3 of those idiots out of my life on the first of November. Essentially I got everything I wanted except for the those 2 months of my life back. I win. Let that be a lesson to everyone. My superpower is winning. Period.

Oh, and Tom Sawyer? thanks for the offer of advice if I needed any help "Dealing" with the producer. It was so kind in that jackass condescending way you have of talking about everything. Meanwhile, I got paid, you might have a warrant out for your arrest, and you're never gonna see a dime of the money you're owed. Which one of us is the smart one now, asshole?

"I have a severance package bigger than your salary!"
"The joke's on him, I don't even make a living wage."

So now I'm unemployed, but I'm ok with that right now. I have the voiceover work at the real estate office, and the big UPTA auditions are coming up in February, so I might just do part-time-make-just-enough-to-pay-rent work for the next couple months so I can take the time to really prepare well. Otherwise, I have no excuse for not updating recently, except I had a busy schedule of cleaning my apartment and playing star wars battlefront 2 all day that I had to adhere to. Sorry. I'm still in decompression mode. The last couple months took a lot out of me.

"Even old lady Muggins can drive down the street without asking people to move. What does that say about you?"
"I leave for work when you sleeping. I come home when you drinking. What that say about YOU?"

So I'm making like Bob Freakin' Villa here at home. Today I installed a new toilet in the guest bathroom. All by my lonesome. Relatively painless, too, except for the 2 extra trips to the hardware store. One for a longer water supply tube (chair height toilet left the original one 1 inch short. Of course, i'm used to that by now. Zing!) The other was because Lowe's Hardware store is a gi-normous group of asshats. Last night when my mom bought all this stuff, she bought a seat to go on the toilet (of course) and we had a long delay because the one she grabbed off the shelf had had it's upc bar torn off and looked like it had been opened. Now I know why. The thing comes with 2 bolts, threaded on both sides, to attach with, except that one of the bolts was smooth at one end for a good quarter inch, and thus totally unusable as it's impossible to thread anything onto it. Turns out someone else had purchased this particulart toilet seat, noticed the defect, and returned it for a working copy. Lowe's, being geniusi, had taken the defective set and reshelved it for someone else to buy. Now that's good service.
Oh well. The thing is installed, and I can look at it with the pride a man who isn't really very good at handyman stuff can take in doing a mediocre job at a project thta's only a big deal to someone with no clue what he's doing and is considered elementary by anyone with a clue. Ken Dillon, amateur plumber. At least I don't have the crack thing going on.

"I picked up an extra bucket of chicken on the way home if anyone's interested."
"How do you know it's extra yet?"

Plans for the rest of the time I'm here include fixing the cracks in the driveway, re-caulking the shower, shutting down the air conditioners (though I'm hard-pressed to imagine why. It's still about 65 outside these days. I was out working in the garage yesterday in shorts and a t-shirt because it was too warm for a sweatshirt. Eat your hearts out, bitches) and other assorted handyman stuff. I feel like Nick from Big Two-Hearted River. For those of you who don't read books and haven't had the good sense to eat a gun yet, read the damn story.

"Bobby Hillbilly is marrying Hillbilly cousin! you owe me five dollah!"

So like I mentioned, i'm in albuquerque right now. At my mom's house. That's a BIG FAT HINT to those of you who still live in this town. Some of you, like billy, I don't have your phone number. Call me folks. I'll be here till....well...I havne't bought my return ticket to milwaukee yet, so I'll be here till whenever the hell i feel like leaving. this is my extended vacation I've been needing for awhile, especially after the way the last couple of months have gone.
It's ok, though. i saw Walk The Line on Sunday, and it was good for my soul. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon busted their asses to do well in the roles they were playing, and it showed.

"Prepare brain for razzle dazzle!!!"

The train trip in was pretty decent. i sat next to a guy most of the way who likes wrestling, but I damn near killed some kid that night. Dumbass (and I mean that in the sense that he was a dumbass, not that he's worthy of the title Dumbass, because there is only one Dumbass, and while he's certainly a dumbass, he is also The Dumbass, and definitely not enough of a dumbass to do the following)

Stupid pseudo-goth kid, late teens/early twenties, dressed all in black, with hair no longer than mine, but a rubberband in the back tying off a ponytail appromixately 3/8" long is sitting 2 rows behind me on his way to LA. The time is between midnight and 1am. Dumbass Punk is asleep, and I nearly am, until I hear

"THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!" and the accompanying hook of music that goes with that hellaciously bad song. Yeah. Dipshit has Final Countdown as his ringtone (a fact that would venture ironic later on when I overheard him trying to impress a chick on the train by saying he was involved in music production. I kid you not "I put all sorts of things into music after it's been recorded to make it sound better." i couldn't make this up.)

Someone was trying to call this idiot late at night, and he's forgotten to turn his phone off/silence/down so that it won't disturb the other 100 people in the train car who are trying to sleep. Fine. whatever. But...

the kid doesn't wake up. So we gotta listen to the phone finish ringing. But apparently leaving a voicemail isn't good enough for whoever's calling, cause he's gotta call again right away. And again. And again. And again.

GothBoy is a champion sleeper, as FIVE SOLID MINUTES of his phone ringing right next to his head aren't enough to wake him up. Meanwhile, I'm grinding my teeth in sleep-disturbed rage at hearing

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

you get the idea. Finally I can't take it anymore, and it's time to be an asshole. I get up and start poking the guy. "Hey, wake up."

Nothing.

Ok, kid gloves off. I grab him by his lame-ass sportcoat's lapel and start bashing him against his seat till he wakes up. he glares at me, apparently angry at being awakened.

"Your phone is gonna shut up now. You can do it or I can do it."

Still couldn't sleep on the damn train, even with total silence.

Ok, that's enough for now, I think.

Ken

I woke, I broke free drove a long time
It didn't purge you from my mind
Hang up the halo, maybe you're right
Chalk it up to a starry night
To be set free, to live and learn
Did we pass or fail the term?
You wrote a note with chalk on my door
A message I'd known long before:
On any given day you'll find me gone
On any given day you'll find me gone

Give me your reason, give me your rhyme
So I can tempo me to your time
So I can scratch your surface and be
A deeper part of the mystery
To be undone, to be alone
To live life in monotone
I reach the beach and try to ignore
The warning I'd known long before
On Any given day you'll find me gone
On any given day you'll find me gone

I've been down to the sea. I've been down to the sea
And so all of the lovers will say
Forever star-crossed will we stay
Still I can't help feeling castaway on any given day
Still I can't help feeling you'll run away on any given day

I window shop for you in my mind
A flannel shirt at the five and dime
A leather coat cut big city style
Boots from plastic crocodile
A pinecone dipped in glitter glue
A penny 1942
A necklace with a cheap green stone
Barefeet, cold sand. Chill to the bone

I lift my hands up, smell to reveal
Your perfume on the steering wheel
You're next to me asleep and I smile
I think I'll drive on for awhile

�

previous - next