2002-01-15 - 9:57 p.m.
Once upon a time, in the magical kingdom known as Italy, there lived a man and his wife. They lived very happily for a long, long time. Then one day, the wife got sick. Then the husband got sick too, but he kept this information from his wife out of a desire not to burden her. The man's illness was very serious, but he held off treatment until after his wife had passed on so she would never know he was sick too.
By the time the man sought treatment for his cancer, it had progressed to the point that surgery was the only possible course of action. In fact, the doctors had to amputate the affected area in order to ensure the man's survival.
What was the affected area, you may ask?
His...um...."Special Little Helper."
"Lil' Italian Man."
The part of being a man that makes life worth living.
The man was all right after the operation, but, like a dog that has just been neutered, he fell into a deep depression, mourning the loss of his manhood.
Who could blame the guy?
Then one day, the man's doctor informed him of a surgeon in LA who was experimenting with different procedures that might be able to help him. The risk was tremendous, but the man decided to chance it anyway, so great was his desire to feel like a real man again.
The operation lasted 24 solid hours. The doctor surgically amputated the man's middle finger, then shifted the other fingers so the hand still looked symmetrical.
Guess where this is going....
The doctor removed the bones from the amputated middle finger. He shaped and reshaped, pushed and pulled and prodded and stretched and squished.
And he removed the fingernail.
Finally, the finger no longer looked like a finger. Then came the hard part. Painstakingly, each blood vessel, muscle fiber, and tendon was aligned with the man's previously acquired stump. Attachments were made, one at a time.
Finally, the surgery was complete. And it was a complete success. The new organ worked exactly like the old one had, both in excretory and sexual ways. He could do the wild thing again. (No pictures were available, and the Italian guy's girlfriend declined to comment on size, shape, color, etc, proving that there is in fact at least one woman in this world who can keep her damn mouth shut.)
The man had gone in with just a stump, a finger, and a prayer, and had emerged feeling like his old self again. He vowed to use his newly acquired sexual ability only for good, and never for evil.
People came from miles around to hear his story, and he even wound up appearing on Ripley's Believe It Or Not, being interviewed by former Superman, Dean Cain.
"From this day forth," he said, "let no man call me "Italian Guy." I shall henceforth be known as....FINGERCOCK!!!"
And he fornicated happily ever after.
THE END
Ken
All that you claim to believe in is really just bullshit posturing.
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