2002-01-13 - 10:56 p.m.
"Beauty isn't always a virtue in a woman, especially if she owns a mirror."
Bernard Cornwell, "Rebel"
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Ken- I say, if a kid is dumb enough to piss on a live wire, he deserves to have his cock burned off.
John- Yeah, we call that Darwinism.
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"I'm not really a man. I dress like a man, and I carry a sword like a man, and I carry a shield like a man, but I like the man's....ULTIMATE WEAPON."
-Character from Sueno
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Katie- Where's Bob?
Jesse- He's in John's house, peeing.
Bridget- Where's John?
Ken- He's holding it for Bob.
Jesse- "John, could you shake it for me?"
Ken- "John, I'm a happily married man!!!"
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Katie- Ken, you know what your problem is? You need to stop going out with cunts.
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Sit right back and you'll hear the tale of the legendary...FINGER-COCK!!!
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Meanwhile, Jesse kisses Bob's ass.
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Ken- I don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but Jesus H. on a pogo stick, that's the biggest fucking sandwich I've ever seen.
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And it was a big fucking sandwich. 12", and at least 5" across. At the K-Mart deli for $4.99.
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John- Dude, today Matt and Katie spent like, four minutes apart from each other.
Ken- Guess they won't be getting their navels grafted together after all.
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Rita- Jesse is such a studly guy.
Amanda- Yeah, when he farted on me, it was the ultimate aphrodisiac. I had to have him right there.
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Jesse- No one ever refers to me like that. "Here's Jesse Rye, using all of his 275 pound frame to bust through that line..." We should all have announcer's to say things like that for us. "Here's Ken Dillon, wearing his contraceptive glasses."
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Skullsplitter beer- It tastes like burning.
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John was dared to do a strip-tease impersonation of Britney Spears singing "Satisfaction." And he did. And he broke the bed doing so.
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John- I fixed the bed.
Joe- Was it hard?
John- No, the screws are holding pretty well. And that Bible was really helpful for propping the droopy end up.
Jesse- Wow. It is good for something, after all.
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Finger-Cock's sidekick...ArmCock Boy!!!
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There's something bittersweet about eating a Country Omelet in Indiana. I mean, on the one hand, it's really freaking delicious. On the other hand, when you eat an omelet that has sausage, hash browns, cheese, and sausage gravy IN THE OMELET, you feel as if you're committing a crime against nature. Plus it makes your heart hurt.
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Katie- I do like you, Ken. I mean, I flashed you today...
Ken- Yeah, but I didn't see any nipple.
Katie- YOu're not good enough for nipple.
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Truth or Dare Jenga-
Katie- Randyn, why don't you pull out one of the blank ones. Those are write-your-own. The player on your left makes up a truth or dare for you.
Randyn- Jesse is sitting on my left.
Katie- Okay, we'll make it the player on your right.
Randyn- Ken is sitting on my right.
Katie- Wow. You're fucked.
Jesse- Maybe literally.
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Fact- The most ghetto liquor store in the world is located in Evansville, Indiana.
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Theatre chicks are-
A) Hot
B) Fat
C) Stupid
D) A and C
E) B and C
Those are your choices.
Theatre guys are-
A) Hot
B) Ass-Ugly
C) Gay
D) Shitheads.
Any combination of these four is a possible correct answer.
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Ken- We drinking again tonight?
John- Yeah, but this time, we should take care to point out to Matt the difference between a twist off bottle and one you need a bottle opener for. We're still picking glass shards out of the carpet.
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Girl in Elevator- Going Down?
Ken- Oh yeah, baby....
Joe- The question is, are you?
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Jesse- If I have to listen to one more theatre asshole talk through an entire show, I'm climbing the balcony with a sniper rifle.
Joe- You're joking, right.
Jesse- Yeah...
Ken- Damn. Whenever I say something like that, the next thing I know I have cops showing up at my door.
Jesse- Didn't you have to talk to Carrothers, too?
John- Yeah, that was your punishment wasn't it?
Jesse- Hopefully, I'll get lucky, and they'll just beat me.
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"Dear Reader-
Religion rules. It really does. But maybe you should try thinking for yourself. We did, and we made nice rolling papers out of the Song of Solomon."
Note in random chapter of Gideon's Bible in room 762 of Executive Inn in Evansville.
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Laura- Bob, how should we dress for these auditions?
Bob- Wear something that is nice, but is low-key, and doesn't make them notice your clothes more than they notice you. Clean, whole clothing, that sort of thing. In other words, look at how Ken is dressed. Don't dress anything like that.
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This was the greatest vacation I could have ever asked for. None of us won anything, but that didn't matter. We saw some great shows, drank 80 beers between us, saw some really shitty shows, polished off a dozen 40's, we went to some killer workshops, we killed a bottle of Jim Beam and a bottle of SoCo, and basically none of us was sober from Wednesday night to Sunday morning.
The ACTF rules.
And so does Finger Cock.
And so does your mother.
�
