2007-03-27 - 12:24 a.m.
"Lots of men tie themselves in knots all over you
That's something I promised myself I'd never ever do
Cause life's too short to go on living with this sin
Cause I saw a pretty face and you know I'd cave right in
Cause I can sleep without you...
I can sleep without you
Well I've got no reason to doubt it
I can't live without it
I ain't in no big hurry
But I've been filled with worries"
Hmmm...that one should have a gender switch to it, but the right person will get the right idea. the wrong person will get the wrong one, and that might be amusing.
So, it's been...
eh, screw it. you know.
news?
I no longer wear glasses. No, my eyes aren't miraculously not crappy anymore. I had to get hard contact lenses. see, i have an eye disease (keratoconus) that's causing my left eye to actually distort in shape, causing severe astigmatism, progressively worsening until i'm actually blind in the eye because the light refracts from it the wrong way. Glasseas and soft contacts do nothing because they don't do anything about the light refraction. Hard contacts form a new surface for my eye, and they'll help my eye hold its shape, slowing the progression of the distortion. The really comforting part was when i had the eye exam and the doctor goes, "You shouldn't be able to see as well out of your left eye as you are right now. I dunno how that's happening."
apparently i also have a bit of a lazy eye because my left eye has been so much worse than my right for so long. now i can't help but notice it whenever i look in a mirror. the good news about th ehard contacts is that i see better with them in than i ever have with glasses or soft contacts. well, it was good news till i looked in a mirror!
ZING!!!
seriously though, i've had them for about 2 weeks and i'm mostly over the "damn, it feels like i have rocks in my eyes" phase. it's nice to not wear glasses, either.
"Poor us, as frail as they come
been thinking all this I'm right and I'm not
I cannot help myself and I know it's not your fault
Well, I was certain then but now I don't know
Staring at the skyline I can smell those brackish waters
I swear I've had this feeling here before
Come on hard at night I pine for you and no other
I promise I won't hurt you anymore."
I like to sing with other people's words. That's probably cause my own songs are all terrible, both figuratively and literally. I refuse to write lyrics that don't rhyme at least most of the time cause it's just lazy and my rhymes are crap. One day maybe i can write one great song. So that's why i borrow from geniuses.
"Some rides dont' have much of a finish
That's the ride I took.
Through good and bad and straight to indifferent
Without a second look."
I'm not gonna get into my feelings about what happened at Formal. I just hope that people don't get too panicky about it. It was a fluke, it sucked, but resolve to be better prepared next time and move on.
"Spit it out, the right words
Of course we always keep them where we know it hurts
The little things, you did them too
I'd almost still believe if it weren't for you."
I did do the rumplemintz at formal again. 2 of them, in fact, and i got twice as depressed as i did in previous years. i've come to realize that too many people i care about have died already, and i'm more likely to outlive others than i would have previously thought. it wasn't supposed to be like that. I'm the one who leaves- it's the only way people won't get tired of me.
"The last horizons I can see
Are now resigned to memories
I never thought I'd still be here today..."
The show is over. I had a ton of fun. Usually i'm not cast in the types of roles i played in Almost. When i first read the script i couldn't believe that those were the scenes i was going ot be doing. I mean, the drunk and despondent guy i could kinda see, but the lovable guy who manages to find a staggeringly romantic way to propose to his girlfriend is not something most people would associate with me, including myself. I'm glad some people got to see it. For those who didn't ge ta chance to- next time, don't drink the whole damn thing...
I don't know what i have on tap next. nothing so far, except maybe an audition for a musical. as long as i'm doing stuff that's totally against type for me, might as well give that a try.
"You can't call it cheatin'
Cause she reminds me of you."
Eat your heart out Paul- today at work I gave 2 tours to people from the company that hires all the Miller Girls- you know, the hot chicks that dress all skimpy and try to flirt their way into getting you to spend more money at bars. They promote from within a lot, so basically i had 2 groups of roughly 50 stunningly hot women walking around with me all day. one even gave me her contact info afterward. What did you do today, Paul?
(i figured while i'm sending cryptic messages to individuals, i might as well single someone out and say something in plain english. Plus it's fun to tweak with you, paul.)
"I'm a fool for the taking
So baby take me down
I'm a fool for the taking
I'm not that dumb but I don't mind faking
I'm a fool for the taking
Your king without a crown
I'm a fool in the making"
Indeed I am nothing special at all. and one day you'll realize that and i'll be sad. actually, i'll feel a large number of emotions, all at once, and something will probably explode.
"Her mumbles come now softly
From the other side of this room
And the things she won't say
Just reminds she's not alone
Well I can't help but feeling a little more than blue
Cause the things that matter just don't mean a damn to you
Well he's got ropes and chains all around her heart
And nothing I can say could ever tear them apart"
I have a wicked cool grass burn on my leg. It actually feels good. it's been far too long since i got that dirty playing disc. and it's been ever longer since my team got shut out like that. seriously, we coudlnt' manage a single point? i'm definitely getting old. I needed you out there wej. the situation definitely called for the "total asshole ladder the disc all the way up the field with just two of us because we can and the entire other team combined can't defend it because we're that much better than they all are" play that we used to run. I miss that one. it made me feel special.
"You've come a long way, nothing's forever
The reasons it never lasts are all in your past.
Nothing is ever so simple. Maybe it's all for the best.
You look both ways, not that it matters
when everything's moving so fast."
I'm still not over it. I'd apologize for how that makes you feel, but you'll understand that since it's your fault in the first place, my sympathy is minimal. There's two options. accept that, or fix it. i'd prefer the latter, personally. and deep down i think you would, too, or it wouldn't still upset you so much either. think about that for a few minutes.
I just don't know what to do anymore. And it's getting late.
That wasn't metaphoric. it's after midnight.
at least one person will be amused by some of this tomorrow. I wouldn't say i'm obsessive. just narrow minded.
"These suspicions have been
long drained dry.
Our persistence holds them here
a maze of bars
and rented rooms remain.
Enought to make you almost look away."
I'm glad that all is peaceful. I was never mad, just worried that you were upset with me, and that would have made me upset because I didn't do anything wrong, it was just a misunderstanding. But you know that now and so all is good. I don't like people to be mad at me for things i didn't do. i can give them plenty of valid reasons if they want to be upset with me. but i think you know that already.
Ok, time to sleep. this was fun though. I'm gonna do it again sometime. I'd say sometime soon, but that'd be a lie.
Ken
When you move away
Do you still feel alive?
You're always waking up alone now, alone
When you let me down
I don't know what to do
Choke down your suffering
Biting off more than you can chew
You're not so old
You know you're not wrong
Taking hold, turning you on
I've locked myself together now
Collider
When you walk away
You don't walk fast enough
You always slip into the sidewalk, alone
Any other day you'd tell me where to go
But now you're wondering
Why you're giving up all that you know
You're not so old
You know you're not wrong
Taking hold, turning you on
I've locked myself together now
Collider
When you're looking at the stars
You're getting blinding headaches,
Your retinas are scars
Could you help me find the way
I'm disappointed now when you tell me not to look that way
Well, you know you've got a lot to explain
When you move away
Do you still feel alive?
You're always waking up alone, alone
When you let me down
I don't know what to do
Choke down your suffering
You're biting off more than you chew
You're not so old
You know you're not wrong
Taking hold, turning you on
I've lost myself forever now
Collider
�
