2004-11-22 - 6:57 p.m.
"So he tells me he wants me back, and I say, 'Well, you shouldn't have hit me again. It was too much of a shock the first time.'"
"Pardon me for butting in, but what do you mean, again?"
"Well, Mario's done it before...."
"Wait...Mario? Your ex-husbands name is Mario?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Is he a fat Italian plumber? Did he rescue you from some evil fungus?"
"Uh...no."
"You married a Mario? Seriously?"
"Yeah..."
"And you're surprised he hit you?"
"Excuse me?"
"His name is Mario! He was born, and then he was named Mario, by people who believe Mario is an acceptable name for a young boy to have! No wonder he turned out screwed up- his moral development was sheparded his entire life by people who view Mario as a good name for a kid! That's not right! His life was ruined the first time he went to school and said, "Hi, my name is Mario, will you be my friend?" and got his ass kicked and his lunch money taken, then went home crying to his mommy that the kids were making fun of his name and his mom spoke the biggest lie since "I'll pull out" when she said, "Never mind that, Mario is a perfectly fine name for a boy." "
"Mario was adopted."
"Even worse! This means that he was raised by people who, while they didn't have the poor taste to name a kid Mario, certainly didn't lift a finger to get the kids named changed when they had the opportunity! I mean, how hard is it to go, "Come on, Mario, let's go to the hall of records and get you a name that won't cause you to grow up to be a wifebeating deadbeat dad..." Good lord! They turned a blind eye to the fact that they were raising a kid named Mario and, in doing so, gave tacit acceptance to that horrid name!"
"..."
"And you had kids with him! Your kids lives are ruined, too! How old are they?"
"Seven and five."
"Yep, it's over. It's over the first time they're talking about their parents and they have to say "My daddy's name is Mario..." You might as well have drowned them in a bucket, or at least lied to them about their daddys name."
"..."
"And you married this guy! How can it be possible that at no point during your association that you took a step back and realized that this was a guy who grew up in a Pro-Mario environment. That should have set off massive warning signs in the back of yoru mind- "Warning, people raised in Pro-Mario environments turn out to be scum...or video game characters, which isn't really an improvement." It's not even his fault, really. He was doomed the day he was named Mario. It was inevitable."
"You're insane!"
"And you're white trash."
�
