2001-09-16 - 8:14 p.m.
Well lady, it's going to take some getting used to, seeing how the black, festering pit of hatred and bitterness and despair that had been at the core of your soul all through high school has vanished now, being replaced by giddyness and love for a good roll in the hay.
There really is nothing quite like a good roll in the hay. Obviously. It can make a mountain out of a molehill (literally and figuratively). And it can make molehills out of mountains (less so in the literal sense.) Everything just sort of seems to drop away, until few things matter, least of all the ever shrinking distance between the two of you (also literal and figurative)
I'm happy you've found that. And even though I always wished we could find that together, I realize that it's better that we didn't. The time was never right for both of us.
More to the point though, I'm envious. I want that, too. Sometimes I figure that's all I want. Just that, and I'll get through. But when I do get that, it's not enough. I remember that I still need all the rest of it, too, even though it's a receipe for disaster.
And then the whole thing feels incomplete, because you really do need the other part more. (You were always so good at the other part. The only thing you ever lacked was the hay-rolling.) Not to the exclusion of rolling, but more like some sort of 60/40 split. And twice 40 doesn't fill the void 60 leaves in this equation. Even thrice 40 falls short.
Although it does make for some pretty rolled in hay.
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