2001-05-26 - 6:19 p.m.
"Trailer on the Hill" Feels very "old school."
Let's try openind with a sentence that doesn't reveal what a dumb white guy I really am to the whole world, shall we?
What I meant to say was that the title reminds me of the time we studied the "City on a Hill" concept in U.S. History when I was in high school. Hence the term "old school."
What is city on a hill? Look it up.
So I figure that three weeks between entries is just about right. After all, it's not like there's been much that is fresh and exciting in my life recently. I moved in to a trailer, worked 8 consecutive days, including three that were "all day" type days, and I've been working diligently to try to get my lines memorized for the play, which, by the way, opens on Friday. Friday. That's like, a single digit number of days from today. Actually, it's a total of five rehearsals from now.
Awfully late for us to be sucking as bad as we do.
Not that any of it is my problem, I know my part. It's not like you can expect me to know their parts, too.
Actually, I do. Not all of them, of course, but I know every line and bit of action that occurs on-stage at any time by and character, as I've always been taught that you should. And I am fully prepared to cover anyone else's mistakes.
Not that I'm going to. If they screw up, they can die on their own. It's enough that I'm going to die right up onstage with them, but I'm not going to hold their hands and guide them through, as well. After all, everyone in the cast is older than me by at least a year. It'd be awfully presumptious of me to try to nursemaid these people. Ife everyone just learned their parts, this'd go really smootherly.
Wow, I'm a prick. Actually, I probably will cover for someone if the need arises, because I'm a wannabe professional.
Moving right along. Living in the trailer is pretty not so suckey. BT is a nice guy, and he and I have even managed to figure out ways that we can do stuff like take showers and unwind after work without waking each other up. He works nights, and I work days, so I'm usually in bed when he gets home, and he's usually very asleep when I have to get up and get ready for work. But we're managing, and not killing each other. Plus, he's fun to hang out with on days off. Assuming I ever get any.
Speaking of getting any, I was having a lovely conversation with one of my favorite people, my friend Lena about dating an stuff like that, and she was marveling at my blatant promiscuity (gross exaggeration) and she said something very interesting.
"I would like to shake the hand of any woman who can get you to agree to be tied down.
This gave me pause, and for two reasons. First, it's true, I have come to enjoy my single life. It's been good to me, a lot better than relationships and committments ever hav ebeen. The one relationship I was in where I didn't get broken up with, I screwed the breaking up part up so badly that I'm amazed the girl still speaks to me. To say nothing of all the times I've been the one getting dumped. I'm not that bitter anymore, really, even about the last two.
So I've come to enjoy singleness. It's been good to me, and being a boy slut has given me many instances of a strong, yet brief, overly inflated sense of my own attractiveness. Of course, there are drawbacks, but I'm for the most part content to enjoy being a man-whore for a while, making Collins hate me with a different girl in my room every hour or so and the "Take a Number" serving board on my door. In fact, I can only think of three women in this world I would give up my single life for.
Which was the secnod reason I was given pause, because Lena is one of them. If it weren't for the fact that she lives over a thousand miles away from me. But otherwise....
The other two? Well, funny you should ask. It's a good thing I enjoy being single. O fthe other two, one is so hung up on her "other boyfriend" and their on-again, off-again relationship that I'm convinced they'll wind up getting married. Then divorcing, then getting married again.
The third girl is a lesbian. So it looks like I can look forward to making Collins hate me for a long, long time.
Which brings me to the part of this whole sordid affair I'm saddest about. Collins won't be around any more. he graduated. So did Sarah. And Brook. And Missy. And Lexie. And generally all the people I live with at school who I feel teh closest bond to. What the hell am I going to do next year (see, the whole relationship thing was actually an affirmation of how I'm content with that part of my life, until someone moves, smartens up, or changes sexual orientation. This is the part where I wallow in self pity.) with all my senior friends gone? Who will I talk about comics with with Collins gone? How will Brooklyn and Special K defend their WWF Tag Team Championship with Brook gone? Who will tackle me with Sarah gone? Who will annoy the piss out of me in a lovable way with Lexie gone? Who will I do radio with with Missy gone?
All my close friends have gone, and I'm left wondering why, "Why can't I just go with them?" There's not really anything holding me there anymore. It's not great loss to anyone if I leave. It's hard to admit this, and I feel bad about it, but I joined the group I did because of the people in it, not the ideals it stood for (even though those are some damn fine ideals) And now the people have left. And I'm thinking of doing the same.
Sorry to get a little morbid there, but I had to get that down. In a few months, I'll probably think I was insane for even thinking of quitting, but for now, I don't see any reason to stay. However, that's not the point I was going to work toward on this. The point I was going for was this-
(In alphabetical order) Brook, Collins, Lexie, Missy, Sarah, I love you guys very much and, thinking about how much I already miss you five, I have no idea how I'm going to manage without you when I go back to school and you all are so very conspicuous by your absence. However, I'm happy you all graduated (sorry for talking like you all had died) and hope that at the very least you all will remember to think of me every time someone says something vulgar or obscene. I feel like I should end this with some profound and/or humorous quotation or song lyric or bit of poetry. But I'm not gonna.
Ken
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