2001-04-04 - 11:31 p.m.
So I had my dream again last night. I don't usually dream much, but about once a week I have the same dream. I guess it's a recurring dream, but I can't say for sure cause I don't know the technical definition of a recurring dream. I just know I dream this dream about once a week. (actually I have two "recurring" dreams. In the other one, I have to pee really badly, and when I do, I start peeing blood and it hurts but I can't stop, and I stand there and panic and watch as about 2 pints of blood spills out of me, then I go back to playing frisbee like nothing happened. That's the other one, but not the one I had last night.) Generally it follows one of my "worry nights" I don't do a lot of worrying during the daytime, but after my light gets turned off at night, I lie awake worrying about all manner of things- bills and lack of money, my lousy grades and how I'm half an inch away from being kicked out of school, all the people I've pissed off lately and how they must hate me (at least, the ones I actually give a damn about in the first place. I don't worry about the ones I don't care about), the uncertainty of my future as an actor and how I'll have to live with my mom when I graduate, my dad's health, all that hapy stuff. I don't worry about this all every night, it just kind of builds up and I generally spend one to two nights every two weeks worrying until 5am or so.
Anyhow, last night was NOT a worry night, but I had the dream that typically accompanies them. I dream that I am going about my life as normal, and then something disastrous happens. I mean, really bad, not like the kind of irrelevant crap I complain about on a daily basis. Generally someone close to me has died. (Often it's Squirt, a dog we used to have, that my parents had before they had me, and she lived to be 19 and died my junior year in high school. I sat up with her the night she died.) But it can also be friends or family, or it can be something else, like my dad has gambled away the rest of our savings and now my family has to live with my grandmother and I can't go to college anymore. But you get the idea. And the whole dream is, I learn the terrible news, and I just start crying.
I once had a dream where I was running and vaulting over cinder block fences in my neighborhood, and I woke up and my arms were tired. I once had a dream where I had a scab on my shoulder I couldn't stop picking at, and when I woke up, my shoulder was bloody. I've had many sex dreams and woken up all wet.
In my dream from last night, I fall face down on a pillow, and cry a lot. But when I wake up, my pillow is perfectly dry.
Ken
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