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2011-05-17 - 8:37 p.m.

(as an upfront caution, this entry won't be very entertaining unless you read comics. Don't say i didn't warn you, but I needed to be writing something and this is what came to mind, so I'm gonna amuse myself and hopefully a few of my nerdier friends.)

So in England, there is an ad campaign called "Make Mine Milk," which is very similar to the "Got Milk?" ads in the US, in that they are completely identical to the "Got Milk" ads, but instead of American celebrities, they use British celebrities, usually consisting of rejects from one of the thousands of average-joe talent competitions flooding the airwaves in England. The closest thing I've seen to a real celebrity on a "Make Mine Milk" billboard was Rupert Grint, and that was only after Harry, Hermione, Hagrid, Ginny, the Dursleys and Bellatrix all said they were busy. (Note: For all I know, those people have been on milk ads in the UK at some point, but it makes for a funnier joke if we just ignore that in favor of dumping all over poor rupert.)

Anyway, because of this lack of star power, I'd never really noticed the ads before, until a few days ago when a bus drove by me as I was on my way to school. On the side of the bus was a "Make Mine Milk" ad, featuring Green Lantern (Ryan Reynolds) as a cross-promotion with the upcoming movie (which will probably suck and/or be a mashed-up ripoff of the Iron Man forumla, but I digress).

While I know that a few people reading this will see where I'm going right away, we'll pause here while I provide some background for anyone who needs catching up. Back during Marvel's rise to dominance of the comics industry in the late 60s through the 70s, one of their popular catchphrases was "Make Mine Marvel." The saying littered the bullpen and letters pages of damn near every Marvel comic published, even appearing in comics in the 80s and 90s. It's still used some today, but not nearly as frequently as it was in the Silver Age. Stan the Man used it a few times, and reader letters to the editors frequently included the phrase as a sign-off, usually in the form of a cutesy joke using the format, "Until X happens, Make Mine Marvel.", like "Until Prof. Xavier joins the Hair Club for Men, Make Mine Marvel!" or, "Until Wolverine buys a Ginsu knife, Make Mine Marvel!"

Now, Green Lantern is NOT a Marvel character. He belongs to the DC Universe (DCU), along with Superman (for now), Batman, and a bunch of other characters that really don't matter (that oughtta get some folks riled up).

So, my attention was naturally riveted to the ad when I saw a DC character using a slogan that was very, very close to a popular and classic Marvel slogan. To be fair, it would be just as jarring to see Wolverine using a popular DC slogan, if DC had any slogans more popular than "Stands for Detective Comics!" (no, really), or "We promise we've sorted out our continuity this time. Really!" or "We hired Jim Shooter to write for us when he was 13!"

Anyway. Initially I was furious to see DC so shamelessly ripping off Marvel (again) before I remembered that this probably wasn't DC's idea anyway, so when I calmed down, all I was left with was a feeling of deep nostalgia.

See, I rarely collect new comics anymore. My passion in comic books is, and has been for a long time, classic Marvel books. Anything from the late 60s up to about the late 80s. That 20 year period is so full of awesome it'll make your head spin, and I snatch up books from that era whenever I find them at prices I can afford. I collect comics published by other companies from that time period too, but usually just to mock how awful they are, especially by comparison. For me part of the magic of those books, aside from the art and fun stories, is the way that the bullpen and letters pages made it seem like it was one big club you got to belong to for reading Marvel books, all the way down to the catchphrases. I had honestly not thought of the phrase "Make Mine Marvel" in years, until it drifted into my head because of that damn ad board.

Well, it got me so in the mood to reminisce about those amazing comics that I started poring over my stash here (what, you think i went all the way to england and didn't take ANY of my comics with me??? Now who's the one being silly?) to see if any of them had "Make Mine Marvel" in them. And sure enough, I was able to find a few.

"Until Spider-Man dances around a jazz club with a haircut that makes him look like kd lang, make mine Marvel!"

"As long as Bucky stays dead, Make Mine Marvel!" (apparently he really hated Bucky...)

"Until Prof. Xavier goes rollerblading, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until they make a bad Hulk movie, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until the Watcher interferes, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Prof. Xavier ditches the wheelchair and walks around, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Clones ruin both Spider-Man AND Star Wars, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Punisher rips off a crappy Lois Lane story by turning black for a few days, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Nic Cage plays a superhero on the big screen, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Ben Affleck plays a superhero on the big screen, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Colossus commits statutory rape, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Prof. Xavier winds up back in that wheelchair, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Angel commits statutory rape, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until the Punisher meets Archie, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Kenneth Branagh makes a superhero movie, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Prof. Xavier meets Capt. Picard, Make Mine Marvel!"

"As long as the Hulk is green, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Hank Pym and his wife have a spat, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Juggernaut is a mutant, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Luke Cage starts fathering children out of wedlock, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Jarvis becomes a robot, Make Mine Marvel!"

"As long as Nick Fury is white, make mine marvel!" (Ok, to be fair, that one is postmarked from Alabama, so take it with a grain of salt)

"Until the Punisher meets Eminem, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until I guest star in a Spider-Man comic, Make Mine Marvel!" (this one is signed B. Obama out of Hawaii....)

"Until Iron-Man gets a DWI, make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Captain America hires a stripper for a bachelor party, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until KISS bleeds into the printer's ink, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Spider-Man eats a guy and gives birth to himself, Make Mine Marvel!" (that one hurt to type but I gutted it out)

"Until the Baxter Building gets launched into space, Make Mine Marvel"

"Until the Beyonder gets a perm and a disco outfit with a big-ass collar, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Speedball turns emo, Make Mine Marvel!"

"As long as continuity is your first priority, Make Mine Marvel!" (awww....)

"Until Spider-Man fights Megatron, Make Mine Marvel!"

"As long as Rob Liefeld is at Image Comics, Make Mine Marvel!" (Ouch... That's just mean.)

"Until Spider-Man has to teach an omnipotent being how to use a toilet, Make MIne Marvel!"

"Until Jack Kirby creates a comic featuring a "fighting fetus" as a character, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until you make a comic book about a truck driver with superpowers, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until you make a comic about a football team with superpowers, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until you make a comic about a sports reporter with football-related powers, Make Mine Marvel!"

"As long as there's only one Thor, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Spider-Man fights Megatron again, Make mine marvel!"

"Until spider-man fights megatron a third time...aw the hell with it...."

"Until The Punisher becomes a ghost who kills demons for Heaven, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Aunt May gets superpowers, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Todd McFarlane sells out, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Toad gets hit by lightning, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Ok, as long as Nick Fury's not gay, make mine marvel!" (also from alabama)

"Until the Supreme Intelligence picks his nose, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Northstar finds a wife, Make Mine Marvel!"

"During the Battle for the Cowl, Make Mine Marvel!"

"As long as Green Lantern has an Eskimo sidekick named Pie Face, Make Mine Marvel!"

"Until Stan Lee reinvents the DC Universe, Make Mine Marvel"

(ok, those last 3 were shots at DC to make things more fair and balanced. and again, I did warn you this would only be amusing to comic fans, and probably not even to them. But if I can make Brook facepalm to the Kickers Inc. reference, it's all worth it. I promise somethign with greater mass appeal soon)

-Ken

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