2008-07-17 - 10:57 p.m.
OK, I have other fun stuff to talk about but that'll have to wait a few days. I hadn't planned on doing any entry tonight; however, plans change, especially when something happens that needs to be talked about asap, and you'll see why.
THis evening was justlike any other evening, for the most part. Paul and I ran some errands, he and I and brook talked about plans to see batman tomorrow night (foreshadowing!), and I decided to get to bed early, so I went to take a shower (shudder or smile at that thought as you will) with the plan to head to bed soonly. WHen I stepped into the bathroom, Paul and Brook were playing WoW, and cyndi was on the couch watching a movie. Nothing out of the ordinary about that- it's pretty much an average night around the house.
While I was singing softly to myself in the shower, I heard a loud bump and waht sounded like Paul shouting.
"Hmm...wonder what happened. He probably got killed in WoW or something..." I mused to myself as I washed away my self loathing under a loving lather of Axe. I finished my shower, put on my bathrobe, and stepped out of the bathroom. At first glance I noticed the door to the office was closed, but figured maybe that was so the boys could have privacy and quiet during their circle jerk...er....WoW marathon, so that their noise and cyndi's movie didn't clash with each other. The lights were off in the living room, but that's not so unusal either, what with movies and all. THe first sign I caught that something was amiss was that the hall light over the front door was on, and that NEVER happens. I walked to the doorway of the living room.
"Hey cyndi, what was with the banging I heard?"
"Hey," came a voice from under a blanket on the sofa, "Could you turn the light off, please? There's a bat in the house and he's flying around in here right now. I'm having a girl moment."
Ok...wait...WHAT?
Sure enough, as soon as I started scanning the room in the dim light, i caught a flash of something dark moving by at about head level. I slapped off the light in the dining room and surveyed the situation. the little guy had gotten in somehow, and he was flying in circles around the living room in one long circuit.
Cyndi- "Paul went outside to open the front door to try to lure it back outside. So far it's not working."
"Wow..."
I ran upstairs, quickly blotted myself as dry as i could, threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, grabbed the handiest things I could think of from my room, my tennis racket and my camera, and dashed back downstairs to see what could be done about this.
"First things first," I thought to myself, "cause no one's going to believe this otherwise." and set down the tennis racket, popped open my camera, and started to aim. It took a few passes because the little bastard was flying so fast, but I was able to get the timing down and the camera pointed in roughly the right direction, even in the dim light, and with one mightly flash of camera light, i caught a beautiful photo of him as he was rounding the entertainment center. A quick check of the picture assured me I wouldn't need to take a second photo, so I snapped the camera off and moved on to priority #2, which was to get him the hell out of the house.
About this time, Paul came back in the back door, and we compared notes.
"So I tried to get it out the front but it isn't cooperating."
Me- "So what's the plan now?"
Paul- "My plans either involve you and that tennis racket or trapping it with a blanket."
Me- "well, let's grab a blanket, cause I would have to have to hurt it, but I also don't want to get rabies."
Cyndi- "I don't wanna get bitten either. I'm not scared of the bat, but I don't have health insurance, so please keep it away from me."
Paul- "If it bites one of us, we have to kill it and take it to the hospital with us."
Me- "Ok then...let's see if we can encourage it to find the front door."
Paul went around the front and held the door open again (our screen won't stay propped open, so someone had to man the door at all times. Great. Cyndi's under a blanket cause she can't afford to take any chances, brook's shut himself in his office, because, as he later explained, "I saw it come in, and figured it shouldn't be in here, so i shut the office door." Right in Paul's face.
And paul has to man the door. That leaves me, alone against the bat.
Paul- "Remember, it's as scared of you as you are of it."
Me- "I'm not scared of it, I just don't want to get rabies. I know this thing can't kill me."
Paul, in that semi-creepy, semi-amused tone of voice only he can master so well- "Actually, rabies can kill you...."
Great.
At first I tried pounding on the walls with the tennis racket, hoping the noise would tell it's echo-locating ass that where it was was not safe and near something big and that it should go int eh other direction. It ignored me.
Then we had paul try tapping on the front door- perhaps that'd give it something to home in on, as it seemed to be looking for a way out. We briefly considered the back door, but paul pointed out that one wrong turn and the thing could wind up in the basement, where we'd never get rid of it, so front door it is.
Finally I hatched a retarded plan, and lowcrawled under it's flight plan to the hallway by the door, where i figured to hook it with th eracket as it flew toward the hall area and thereby push the thing into that hallway, where hopefully it would notice the nice inviting door to the nice inviting outside and take the hint. We toyed with the idea of adjusting the lights, turning the hall light off and the porch light on, but decided that since A) bats don't see so hot anyway, and B) I need to be able to see the damn thing, that the current lighting system was best. After one tease of it going into the hall and then flying out again, the bat proceeded to help us all out by flying into the dining room.
Ok, time for a new plan. Perhaps I can knock it down and then it'll be a little more cooperative. So i set myself in teh doorway between the living and dinig rooms, racket at the ready, set to tap it as it flew by...I watched it circle a few times to get a sense of timing, steeled myself, waited for the right moment, and swung...
and missed completely as it sensed the mass rushing toward it and veered around the racket like nothing had happened.
Not to be discouraged, I took a nother crack at it on the next pass...and missed again.
And again.
Again.
Still again.
This little bastard was not playing fair. Finally, after one swing, it flew right at me, and a hasty duck was in order, and the damn thing was back in the living room. The whole thing was hysterical, and I wish i could have had a video camera running, because it even had narration- while cyndi was still under the blanket, she asked if it was safe to come out, and paul wound up explaining the situation to her in a running commentary as the events unfolded.
"No, it's in the living room, flying around ken and making him duck occasionally."
Finally a combination of mounting frustration, dumb luck, and a decreasing concern over the long term well being of mr. bat led me to connect with a nice solid backhand on the bat, who promptly nose dived onto the coffee table, bounced, and lay still.
"Oh crap, I think I killed it."
Paul- "Is it moving?"
"NO, not really...it's kinda twitching...wait...i see breathing, but it's pretty shallow. I'm going to grab a blanket and at least get it outside."
I grabbed a lap blanket off the couch and threw it over the bat...and was rewarded with a series of squeals and a rustle of movement.
Paul- "Oh, it's alive!"
Me- "Yeah, and he seems kinda pissed."
Paul- "Understandable."
As I attempted to scoop it up int eh blanket, it popped free, mainly because the mass of other things on said coffee table gave it a gap from which to escape containment. It flew out of the blanket in my arms, for a bright moment turning toward the hallway and freedom but then proceeding to buzz me one more time as it went back to the dining room.
"OK," i said as I turned to paul, "We may have to kill it."
"Wait," said paul, as he zeroed in on the dining room, "It's perched on the blinds. maybe you can still snag it with the blanket...or one of the big bowls in the kitchen or something."
Excellent idea. I dashed to the kitchen and grabbed a bowl, but then thought the better of it after taking at look at it. it was dangling upside down from one of the slats in the blinds in the dining room, apparently making himself quite at home. My friend Jennifer later pointed out to me that i had probably concussed it, and i know i at least knocked the wind out of it, so it was probably taking a breather, but it was my last, best hope for peace.
Slowly, carefully, quietly, i crept up on it, blanket held on my hands like it was a pair of gloves. I inched towards it, not wanting to startle it back into flight. I crept within striking distance, then a bit closer, and slowly raised teh blanket up to the level of the slat...after no response, i took a deep breath and pounced, cupping the bat between my hands, safely shielded from my flesh by the blanket. I had him.
"I got him, and boy is he not happy about that!"
He was wriggling and making high pitched "fuck you" noises at me, clearly not at all pleased with being trapped by what paul later said "to him would seem like a massive ogre that just clubbed him and imprisoned him."
I made my way down the front porch to the lawn, and after paul gave me the all clear that the doors to the house were shut so he couldn't get back in, I flung my hands up toward the sky and opened them, hoping that he didn't decide to get into a fighting mood about this. THe blanket came up over the level of my eyes for a second, and when i dropped it down...
he was gone.
I had heard no rustle of movement and saw no shape heading away. i checked the lawn and made sure he hadn't just fallen to the ground when i released. in the split second where i couldn't see him, he vanished like he'd never been there in the first place.
i came back in just in time to hear paul give the all clear to brook, who, in a true show of courage under fire, had managed to keep playing WoW this entire time.
So, I'm going to see batman tomorrow. that'll be fun. For those who are curious, the picture of the bat that I took came out great, and i posted it to my facebook account immediately. For those who are facebook deficient, I can't throw it up on LJ cause that costs money, but i plan to start a photo album on one fo those photo sharing sites for htis and the Battle of the Basement pictures this weekend. Or if anyone wants pics emailed to them, drop me a line with your email address.
Ken
�
