Ken's Diary of Fun and Bitterness

2008-04-14 - 9:52 p.m.

I think I broke my damn toe.

Actually, that's an exaggeration. I'm sure I didn't break it, but damn does it hurt. The week before Formal, I was walking downstairs barefoot and somehow managed to snag the last toe on my left foot on the edge of one stair while the rest of me went down to the next one. I can walk, and I can run (joined a gym a few weeks ago. go me) but sometimes....damn, but it still hurts. So that was the weekend after the show wrapped, and then was Acivation and Formal, which were tons of fun, although I was paying the price for the weekend for the next several days- the Old Man can still outball the kids on the frisbee field, but it sure takes a lot more out of me to do so than it used to. Speaking of which, you kids needs ta get out there and enjoy the sunshine in the bowl more often- it's totally not right that a fat guy my age should be able to keep up the energy longer than you do. Just saying.

The weekend was that magical usual mix of Dancing, Drinking, Drama, and Disc that I've come to love and expect. It's gratifying to know that some things never change. Congrats to all you new actives- just remember this moment during those inevitable times when you'd rather floss yourself to death with barbed wire than sit through one more house meeting. Or just stop going. I did, and look how well I turned out!

Speaking of things that never change and how well I turned out, I have a story!

"Tell us a story Uncle Ken!"
"Fuck you!"
"That's our favorite!"

*****WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING STORY, WHILE HUMOROUS, CONTAINS BORING TECHNICAL DETAILS OF KEN'S JOB, AND, AS KEN DISCOVERED AT A REGIONAL MEETING IN CHICAGO FOR WORK THIS PAST WEEKEND, THE ONLY THING MORE BORING THAN DOING KEN'S JOB IS LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE DISCUSS IT. PLEASE EITHER SKIP THIS PART OR BEAR WITH THE EGREGIOUSLY DRY TECHNICAL DETAILS OF A JOB THAT IS MARGINALLY LESS INTERESTING THAN ANY OF THE OTHER CRAP KEN TALKS ABOUT***************

So, the other day at work was the day ALL of the bosses were scheduled to be in, that magic day that happens once every six months or so. My Assistant Regional Director (ARD) my hands on boss (and I use that term as just a frame of reference for you. any hands-on going on will result in me making a call to HR that woudl make me a very rich man...or not, as this story may show) and the Regional Director (RD) showed up first in the morning and called me into an empty office to talk to me for a minute.

"Ken, were there any incidents on Friday that happened that got you upset or something? Did you have a bad day? Are you unhappy with your job? Troubles at home, something like that?"
"Um...no, not that I can think of, why?"
"We got an email from a Quality Control Analyst (QCA) about a big problem with a claim you wrote on Friday."

*Boring technical side note essential to the story- different insurance companies require different special fields for the claims I write for them- some want the tax ID number of the provider and the relationship code they use, some want dates of birth, some just want claim numbers, what have you. these fields are many and varied and different for each insurance client we have. When you select that you are refunding a certain client in our program on my laptop, a box pops up with the special fields you need to fill out, and you can't save your work and finish the claim up until you fill out those boxes.*

This particular claim required a special internal error code used by the client, one I had to look up on the internet using the desktop here, which was being slow as could be on friday (moreso than usual) so eventually, i decided to put in a placeholder note in the special field and come back to it later, because a quirk in the system is that even though you can't save until you fill out the box, you don't have to put the correct info in it, you can save as long as you've put something. ANYTHING, in that box.

Thing is, I forgot to come back and correct the placeholder note I had put in the box for whatever reason or distraction happened on friday, and i wound up finishing the day and uploading my work at night to Nashville without correcting the placeholder, so the QCA got into a frothing panic on Monday when she started reviewing my claims before submitting them to the insurance companies, only to discover that one claim I submitted on Friday had "BITE ME" written in the special fields box.

It was an honest mistake, and the RD and ARD both figured I was just playing around and amusing myself and not trying to go postal or play a prank, but they still had to A) talk to me to make sure that was all it was, and B) issue me a formal verbal warning, as company policy, which consisted of them basically telling me not to do stuff like that and to use simple letters or numbers as placeholders (My ARD suggested using "FU" for "Follow Up. The RD vetoed that one quickly), then having me sign a form verifying that i had been warned. As soon as that was out of the way, they assured me that there would be no lasting repercussions other than that they will be mocking me about this for the rest of the time they know me, and assuring me they would explain to my National Director (ND, one step down from VP of the company) who would be in later that day and that he figured it was something like that anyway, because as they all agreed , "that's out of character for Ken and he's probably the last person I'd expect to have an issue like this" (Yeah, I have them THAT snowed)
However, once the necessary disciplinary action was out of the way and they were assured that it wasnt' a sign of anything more than a little negiligence on my part, they found the thing hilarious. So did I, once I got over my initial embarassment.

So when the ND finally broached the subject to me that afternoon, he led off with a big smile and said, "So your claim is all the rage down in Nashville"
Turns out he was there in Nashvilee that day. Yeah. He saw it firsthand. Accoring to one source, his immediate reaction was "What the hell was he thinking?"
He went on to tell me that the claim had been passed around the entire QC office, then the company in general for the sheer WTF entertainment value, and "bite me" was the new catchphrase of the day. QCAs even began using it when reviewing claims, as my RD told me- he was on the phone with one about another claim for another employee, and the QCA said, "Looks good so far...no bite mes"
The ND has assured me that if I go back to Nashville anytime soon, I can introduce myself as the bite me guy and EVERYONE will know immediately who I am.

When the bosses left, they told me, "Have a good one, Ken. Oh, and bite me."

That was about a month ago (yeah, i've been that lazy...show, gym, formal, chicago trip, stage managing another show (Eureka at the boulevard! World premiere of a brand new original play, but sorry, I got no hookup offer for free tickets this time. Contact me for dates and times. and I fit a parenthetical within a parenthetical. I wonder if even I can remember what I was doing before this)and Heroes III. Take your pick) Sure enough, when we had the regional meeting in chicago last week (thursday to saturday), the story had been circulating and I lost track of the number of times I got, "You're the bite me guy? Wow!"

It's a knack...I seem destined to become infamous everywhere I go.

********END OF WORK STORY WITH BORING DETAILS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INDULGENCE******************

And yeah, I still hate chicago. I really am like the Hicks-ian camel, filling my hump of hate with periodic trips down there that serve to remind me the rest of the time why I hate going to that godforsaken hell hole. THis time it was snowing there in the middle of april. Have you chicagoans no souls? Is nothing sacred to you? Why must you give my mother excues to remind me that new mexico is in the 70s right now?

"Golden boy with feet of clay
let me help you on your way.
A proper push will take you far,
but what a clusmy lad you are."

I guess I have to admit that it's not all bad being me...and it's great for the old ego when you boys give me my props. If you can ever figure out why anyone bothers, clue me in, would you? It's not always the greatest problem to have, like...now. And my diamond shoes are too tight. I'll figure something out. I always do, but not before I've had the chance to squirm in my role as the "Lovable but ineffectual male" for a bit.

So yeah. Stage managing again. IT's not a bad gig, really, although the raging egotist in me is determined not to make a habit of being on the wrong side of the stage during production. Once in awhile it's kinda fun though. Special occasions and all.

I miss people. Some more than others, but people in general. I dunno when I'll be back again, as the weekends are nicely booked and the weekdays are just packed, but maybe if I quit putting unrealistic expectations on myself I can actually get something done.

"You don't think much of me, do you?"
"I don't think much of anyone."
"Yourself included?"
"Myself most of all."

Quicksilver rules. I do, in fact, suffer from Pietro Maximoff Syndrome.

See, I couldn't end this entry without one sufficiently geeky reference. And some Roger Clyne.

Ken

Well I used to be bad
I was born to lose
And my travelin� shoes was the only shoes I had

Well I used to be cool
I was that Sunday afternoon, sunk 'n drunk and stumblin� fool
'Till I met your momma

She pulled me outta that terrible fix, well
I know daddy's been away awhile
Cause it's been hard to teach an old dog new tricks

Tell your momma your daddy done quit his drinkin'
Tell your momma your daddy done found the Lord
Tell your momma your daddy done quit his cussin�, his fightin�, his carryin� on
But don't you tell your momma Goddamn, your daddy's bored

Well I used to be sly
I'd stay out all night
And how I loved to fight
And make them young girls cry

Well I used to be crude
I was rude, crude, glued, screwed, tattooed
Down an� dirty with a just plain surly attitude

'Till I met your momma
She pulled me outta this terrible fix
I know daddy's been away awhile
Cause it's been hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

Well if a thousand times I've seen the light
You know that I've gone blind a thousand times again
And if a thousand times I said "I do"
you know I turn my tail a thousand one again
I didn't mean no harm I's just havin' fun again

Uh-oh, uh-oh, SCOTTY'S GOT A SOLO!

�

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