2007-07-20 - 11:35 p.m.
"Ken, you know you're going to hell, right?"
"You act surprised at that."
As some of you may or may not know, I'm going to be officially old tomorrow. Like, ready for a wheelchair old. And a couple days ago I took my first steps into offically dirty old man a la paul status. A chick on the bus was wearing a t-shirt that officially sent my mind down into the gutter with thud and a splash.
The shirt said "Pearls for teen girls"
yeah, you read that right. Turns out it's a legitimate charity that helps to keep girls who live at or below the poverty line from giving up on their lives and repeating the cycle of mistakes. Turns out they mean pearls of WISDOM. Shame. I was all prepared to make a sizable donation before I learned that.
That was probably the g-rated of the jokes I made at their expense. One of my friends told me he lives in fear of the random text messages I send people now because of stuff like that.
Giggity.
I was showered with gifts yesterday by some people, and they are all very nice. Thanks guys.
Books rule, and so does Saturday Night Live Season 1. And then Brook got me World of Warcraft. you people are gonna break me one day, I guess. I feel like Wesley Crusher (the one and only time you will ever hear something like that come out of my mouth) in that episode of Star Trek where Riker brings an evil alien game to the ship accidentally and it turns out it's a hypnotic brainwashing device that some bad guys are using as a scheme to try to take over the ship. part of the conditioning is to try to get other people to play the game and spread the influence. Soon Wesley is the only one not playing it, and he's being chased all over the ship by the other crew members who are trying to push the game on him.
Of course, he got to make out with Ashley Judd at the end of that episode. If I break down and play WoW, will I get to make out with Ashley Judd? Cause that'd make the whole affair totally worthwhile. How come no one told me of this perk?
Wow, I just used a Star Trek analogy to explain my feelings about playing a video game...I think reading t-shirts that say "Pearls for teen girls" may actually be as close as I'm going to get to any kind of grown up activity with a female of the opposite sex ever again.
Why was I writing this again?
Oh yeah...tomorrow being Black Saturday and all, I wanted to say this...
you are all lame. With only a few exceptions, every one of you has other plans or things you have to do tomorrow, and thus only a couple people are going out with me tomorrow night. Hang your heads in shame, and someone lynch JK Rowling for having the nerve to try to compete with my special day of mourning. Bitch.
For anyone who wasn't aware, or wants to redeem themselves, I'm going to...
Crap...it's lame....
Port Fish Day up in Port Washington. No, not because I have a hankering for deep fried fish and crappy Miller beer, but because the Gin Blossoms will be playing there. And yes, I'm aware that I just saw them 4 weeks ago, but no, it won't be boring. Some things never get old.
"But I just won the Superbowl last year..this is boring."
"But I just won the lottery 4 weeks ago...this is boring."
"But I just got a random funny text from Ken 4 days ago..this is boring"
Ok, some things do get old, but gin blossoms concerts aren't one of them.
Anyway, the show is at 8pm tomorrow at...well, wherever the main stage area is. The festival is free to enter, but if you want to get into the main stage to see the band, you'll need $3. That's one and a half newspaper subscriptions (Winner- most obscure movie reference I've ever made). Plus you either gotta eat there (my plan) or buy the fish there...and that's taking your life into your own hands.
Be there. And now the obligatory saddish song. (And it's not by the gin blossoms. Swerve!)
Ken
Well I've gone to the hardware store
I'm gonna buy you a really big hammer
Girly won't pull these nails out of my heart
Then I'm going to the sporting goods store
I'm gonna buy you a really heavy baseball bat
Girly won't you knock these thoughts out of my head
Beat me till I'm black and blue
And I'm hanging by a thread
Then I can get back up
And we can do it all over again
Well I've gone to the liquor store
I'm gonna buy you a really big bottle
Girly won't you pour some light into my life
Then I'm going to the firearms store
I'm gonna buy you a really pretty handgun
Girly won't you blow this mess out of my mind
My mind
Beat me till I'm black and blue
And I'm very nearly dead
Then I can get back up
And we can do it all over again
All over again
Well I've gone to the hardware store
I'm gonna buy you a really big hammer
Girly won't you pull these nails out of my heart
Then I'm going to the sporting goods store
I'm gonna buy you the biggest damn Louisville Slugger they've got there on the rack, put a big red ribbon on it, deliver it to your door, and you know what to do with it, right?
Beat me till I'm black and blue
And my body's bloody red
Then I can get back up
And we can do it all over again
All over again
�
