2007-05-08 - 10:35 p.m.
I mowed my lawn and found a thong. I might be a redneck.
No, seriously. And as a side note I may never write a better hook to anything ever again. This is seriously how my autobiography will begin.
I admit, I had been putting off mowing the lawn because A) I'm lazy, and B) the previous owner left 2 lawnmowers, but I didn't know what kind of state either one was in, if they would need gas, oil, or if they'd even work (turns out one doesn't). But the previous owners generosity apparently knows no bounds, as when I finally buckled down to do it, I discovered both a full bottle of motor oil and a full gas can in the garage. Like I said, one of the lawnmowers doesn't work, but the other started up right away (ironically the one that had sat outside all winter was the one still in working order)
So...the grass was kinda long. Like, a foot tall in some places. I kept finding all kinds of stuff. One of the disadvantages of a house so close to a major attraction is that people go by all the time and, people being assholes, they tend to dump their garbage wherever they feel like it. There were burger king wrappers all over the front lawn and even a couple in the back. and the nearest burger king is about a mile and a half away. figure that one out. The fun part was there was no grasscatcher for the lawnmower so all this crap got shredded and then sprayed all over the lawn anyway. I hope at least a bit of it is biodegradable.
Anyway, after i went over one section of the front lawn, there it was. A filthy thong. And I don't mean filthy in the sense of having been worn (i assume it was) but covered with grass and dirt stains. i have no clue how long it had been sitting there. Or whose it was. I'd feel more comfortable with that knowledge. I think I shall have to make up a story for it. meanwhile it's hanging on a hook by the front door. Like a trophy. that should scare away the jehovah's witnesses.
So i'm in tennessee on job training right now. i had a fun time on the way down here. the usual delays of flying took a back seat to a sight that nearly floored me in the Memphis airport on my layover. There's a restaurant in Tennessee called Corky's, which emily gets a big kick out of because she calls me corky sometimes. not after the restaurant, after the retarded kid from Life Goes On, cause she claims i look like him. I claim she's an idiot.
anyway, Corky's is a BBQ and Ribs type of restaurant cause all they do in Memphis is barbecue stuff and smear barbecue sauce all over it. They have a location for the chain in teh memphis airport, so there's posters advertising it all over the place. And on the poster?
*Sigh*
A picture of a grinning black man, looking like he just stepped off the cream of wheat box, holding a giant plate of ribs. Sorry Jharick.
On second thought, I might not be a redneck. i can still see what's wrong with that picture.
I'll have more later, tonight i'm tired and must finish my homework. Heh. Never thought I'd say that again.
Ken
Looking over all the angles obvious that some ain�t right
Litter the recycle bin with all the things I'll change tonight
Well that�s not wrong, its merely lame
There�s no need to hide my shame
Well I�m tired of slowly sinking
Still there�s no one else to blame
I can�t help it I�m a quitter
From inside I�m cold and bitter
Always out an unbeliever
We�re not floating in the ether
Sick of the illusion that it's sad to ever want to know
Taking off and sputtering whenever it was time to go
Well it's not my fault, I'll never try
I can�t even tell you why
Well I thought I heard you calling
From the corner of my eye
I can�t help it I�m a quitter
From inside I�m cold and bitter
Always out and in denial
Laying wreaths and Spanish tile
I�m not scared I�m only nervous
When chocolate shakes and power surges
Stephen Hawking can�t know either
We�re not floating in the ether
It's not my fault, I'll never try
Well I can�t even tell you why
Well I thought I heard you calling
From the corner of my eye
I can�t help it I�m a quitter
From inside I�m cold and bitter
Always out and in denial
Laying wreaths and Spanish tile
I�m not scared I�m only nervous
When chocolate shakes and power surges
Stephen Hawking can�t know either
We�re not floating in the ether
Always out and in denial
Laying wreaths and Spanish tile
Stephen Hawking can�t know either
We�re not floating in the ether.....
�
