2006-01-21 - 9:31 p.m.
Time won�t stand by forever if I know it�s true
And I�ve learned not to say never
Or else I�ll seem the fool
Twenty-nine you�d think I�d know better
Living like a kid
We all seem to go through that awkward phase in life (or that awkward phase known as life). And it seems as if later on, life is filled with little mini awkward phases, like that first day at a new job when you don't know anything and you're afraid you're gonna screw something up and then be told that you're just not working out, or when you're out and you meet a woman who seems interesting, but you don't know what to say to her because you don't wanna come off as just another guy who tries to pick up women he meets out on the street and so you're trying your best to encapsulate all the good qualities that set you apart from most other guys in the span of 1 sentence, all the while being blissfully ignorant of the fact that she's sizing you up based on looks alone anyway and nothing you say is going to negate the fact that you accidentally tucked your shirt into your underwear. That sort of thing.
Damn. That was a long sentence. And my English writing skills have clearly deteriorated enough that I honestly can't remember if it qualifies as a run-on sentence or not. Either that or I'm buzzed and can't quite remember.
I am in such a phase.
Last summer, I auditioned for To Kill A Mockingbird, a play by Harper Lee that you should have read, based on a book you should have read, but probably haven't because you're probably an American and thus are barely literate (yes, I'm gonna vent my frustrations by abusing you folks some. Deal with it. You have it coming, and it's been awhile since I let you all know how much you suck). I gave some great readings. In fact, the director himself told me I was reading better than damn near everyone else auditioning. I could very easily play Atticus (actually, that wouldn't even be the role I'd want, but it'd be a good one to have)
However, I didn't get the part because I was 23 at the time (audition was right before my birthday) and I look younger than that. I still look younger than 23 when I want to. Clean-shaven, I could almost pass for a teenager still. Atticus is a middle-aged man. Everyone else auditioning was middle-aged. I'd have stood out quite obviously, even with a good aging makeup job. That one I can understand. "When you're 40, you'll do great in this show" Ok.
In May of 2005, I finished my tour with bridgework, and I wasn't picked up for the fall semester because they were changing shows and the roles they had available called for "bright-eyed, smiley, enthusiastic types". Looking back, I shouldn't have beensurprised. The roles I had played during the tour consisted of a smart-ass 8 year old who seems (or tries to seem) older than he is, a pair of adults, and a 6 year old carring around a told of angst over his parents impeding divorce. I didn't play any kids who seem like kids. All the roles they had for the fall semester were kids who actually were kids, and that's not me. My style, according to bridgework director is "dry and witty and sophisticated. Mature."
I know, that's the only time anyone will accuse me of seemign mature in anything, but I can see her point. I'm far more comfortable doing Oscar Wilde than I am doing Barney the Dinosaur, which is what she was looking for. Ok, I understand.
Earlier this week, I auditioned for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, a play by Tennessee Williams that you should have read, but you probably haven't because you're probably an American and thus are barely literate. ("whatcha readin' for?") An audition for the same directorwho was doing Mockingbird last year.
I was reading heavily for the role of Gooper, the older of the 2 brothers, a successful lawyer with a wife and 5 kids who finally gets fed up with how his alcoholic younger brother is constantly doted on by the parents despite not doing anything whatsoever with his life. It's a good role. It's a damn good role. Drama suits me well, and it's one I could play really well. In fact, I gave some great readings for it. And the more I thought about having that show on my resume, as well as the other things it would do for me, the more I wanted it. And the more I wanted it, the better I did at callbacks when I did nothing but read Gooper over and over again. I didn't get the part, however. I got the same "unfortunately" speech from the same director with the same "I really want you in something, because you're ver good, it's just a question of the appropriate range."
Because I look too young. Because there was just no way to get the correct pairing with a Brick who looks young enough to be my mid-20ish year old little brother. Again, even with a good aging makeup, the contrast was more than he wanted to deal with. I'm 25, but I still look 20, especially when I stand next to someone who's middle-aged.
In and of itself, that's not a problem. Except....
My acting style is "mature" My strengths as an actor, my delivery, and all the things I'm good at, make me ideally suited to play Atticus, or Gooper, or Willy Loman, or any of the other really good roles for middle-aged men. And to be honest, those are the kinds of roles I want. Screw Romeo, (hell, screw Hamlet), screw Rent, screw every damn 20something role there is. Most of them suck anyway.
Problem is, I look like I should be playing high school kids. I LOOK 5plus years younger than I am, but I PERFORM 10plus years older than I am. IN fact, I can't even get roles for 20somethings because my style just doesn't suit those roles.
This is the ONLY time I'm sad to be "aging gracefully"
When I'm 40, I'm gonna have a hell of a career.
In the meantime, my career is in an awkward phase.
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