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2005-07-02 - 8:59 p.m.

Men are pigs. All of them.

So I had this audition last saturday for RSVP Productions. Turns out it's a gay theatre, housed at the Milwaukee Queer Arts Center (this theatre is so small it doubles as an art showroom)

So I do my monologue, and the director (A FLAMING middle aged queen) gives me a scene to look at and come back to read later. When he brings me back, he asks me to do the scene with another of the guys auditioning. No problem. The other guy...was pretty hot. I'm straight, but I can admit that. He was handsome, probably a couple years younger than I am, good skin, and he obviously worked out quite a lot. It was obvious because he dressed to show it- short running shorts, and one of those not just sleeveless, but absolutely sideless workout shirts. Standing on his left side, i could see the painting on the wall to his right through his shirt. Great body, all that stuff. YOu could pretty much hear the director getting hard and thinking less than pure thoughts at this guy.

So we start the readthrough, and it becomes very apparent that this guy not only isn't the strongest actor, he's barely literate. Seriously. I know 3rd graders that read out loud better than this guy does, and he's had time to look at the material a couple times. He stumbles over any word with more than 2 syllables in it, and he's about as expressive as white toast. I'm doing my best to bring some energy to the reading, but it's like we're in two different worlds. Admittedly, it's an Australian play, with Australian slang in it, but the words aren't difficult to at least pronounce, nor are they too unclear based on the context of the script. It all boils down to the fact that this guy is an actor who can't read.

I hate that. I seriously despise it. Actors make their living interpreting printed material aloud. Thus reading is one of the fundamental requirements of the job. Period. There's no wiggle room here. In order to be the best actor you can be, you have to be the best reader you can be (among other requirements) If you can't (or worse, don't) read, you can't be a good actor. I have been advised by every experienced actor I've ever known to read everything I can get my hands on. Always be reading new plays, but also read everything else. Practice cold-reading things out loud to get used to working through tough passages. I've always prided myself on being one of the most well-read people I know, ever since I was a little kid. It sickens me to see how low a priority reading is to the average american anyway. I heard a girl at work once say that she was happy when she graduated so she wouldn't have to read anymore. But for an actor? Inexcusable.

So of course the director fawns all over this guy at the end of the reading. "Oh, you did such a good job with such a challenging script. I think you fit this role really nicely. I know how hard it is to do read the australian part there, and i think you really did the best you could. Oh, thanks for your reading, Ken, I'll let you know. Now, Mike, what I'd like to do..."

I passed out of earshot by then, but i assume "is fuck you to earn a part." was the end of that sentence. Jesus H. The lesson I come away with is men are pigs, regardless of sexual orientation. Fucking assholes. Things like this are why I hate people, but especially people involved in the arts.

The worst part of the whole thing was that I couldn't really turn my full stream of angry invective on the place, because when I tear into something, I like to gay bash it at least a couple times, and I can't really do that here. Since it's a gay theatre, it's probably been gay bashed enough as it is.

I'm not too upset though, for 2 reasons. One, I realize that this same thing happens to girls at auditions all the freakin' time, and it's probably a good life lesson for me to experience being pretty much ignored in favor of a much much less talented but much much more physically attractive person than I. It helps to guarantee that I won't do that to someone else, because it does suck.

And 2? Well, Tuesday I auditioned for a movie studio in Milwaukee, and have been offered roles in a couple of their upcoming films. So now I have something to perform in anyway. It was great, the first thing the producer asked me after my audition was "Have you ever done voiceover work? I have an animation studio, too, and we need new talent for the fall." Films and voiceovers aren't exactly my career goal overall, but they'll make a fine next step (and actually, the more i do voiceovers, the more I think it'd be a good gig to have anyway.) Money upfront is limited, but if any of the films make money, i do get a piece of it, and I get free copies of anything I appear in, plus the chance to go to a movie theatre one night and see something with me in it (and they do have a distributor- some films are shown at Milwaukee theatres) It's not huge, but it'll do.

That's all I got for now. It's getting late and Bristol looms early tomorrow (I know I still have to get into that can of worms, and I've been challenged to do more songs, but not now, ok? ok.)

Ken

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