2004-08-30 - 7:57 p.m.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, so it wasn't immediately the next day or anything like that, but I had a good reason. I had to stop gutlaughing long enough to actually write something down.
So...
The whole time, huh? The whole time? And you never knew?
HA!!!
That's funny. And let me be the first
(well, perhaps not the first, but i just heard about this) to say, No One Deserves It Colder, Either. All the humiliation of everyone knowing.
I hope he gave you an STD, you dumb box.
P.S.- I tried to tell you as much last July.
Wow, and I didn't have to lift a finger for that one. See, this is a perfect example of the kind of thing I've been tell you all for years- In the final analysis, I come out on top, land on my feet, get the right roll, pick your cliche. Always. It might take me forever, but fate always smiles on me, and it always, always works out my way.
If I had a superpower, it would be winning. Disbelieve me at your own peril.
Damn I was in a good mood all weekend. Even though it rained all over me at the faire on saturday. A lot of rain. And damn do it get muddy there. It was a fun day, though, entertaining the tens of patrons who actually bothered to show up that day. The real fun, though, came on sunday. I had a life altering experience. Ok, maybe not that great, but it was still pretty fucking cool.
One of the guys brought in a raw leg'o'lamb for one of the weapons of war demonstrations, and we dangled it from a pike and took some hacks at it. It was, I'll confess, and disturbingly good feeling, hitting an actual slab of flesh with a blade, feeling the slight tug of it as you slash your way through.
Stab with the rapier.
"this is your stomach"
Rapier pokes all the way through with minimal effort.
"damn...."
The truly mindboggling part came when one of the guys busted out his cavalry saber. Not just any ordinary cavalry saber, but an actual German piece that was cast sometime around 1640, and offered to let us take some hacks with that.
I picked up a 400 year old sword, lined it up on my shoulder in the posta de dona (stance of the woman...Italian martial arts are funny) and was told to aim for the existing cut.
I waited for my moment.
I swung a 400 year old sword in what is probably the best fendente cut I've ever made, sliced easily through some flesh, felt a bit of a tug halfway in, and heard a disturbing yet not unpleasant noise as my blade smashed, not cut (it's a blunt weapon) but absolutely SHATTERED the femur and continued on its merry way through the meat. Bone and bits of fleshy goo flew everywhere. I didn't slice all the way through the meat, but I fucking nailed that bone. If it had been a person, the wonders of modern medicine MIGHT have been able to save the leg. MIGHT. If it had been a heavier blade, the whole damn thing would have been in two pieces.
"Damn...."
Now that's living history for you.
Maybe i'm making too big a deal of this. But I never thought i'd actually touch a blade that old without having to spend thousands of dollars to buy myself one, let alone actually have a paying audience watch me use to shred a bone the way a wet toothpick splinters when you snap it in half.
That's all I got for now. Oh, and I hurt my knee pretty good on saturday. More abuse follows in a few.
Ken
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