2004-04-14 - 1:30 p.m.
Damn. They let me be idle for too long. Now, even when I do have work to do in the afternoons after everyone else leaves, I resent them for giving it to me, and i find excuse after excuse to continue my usual routine of doing nothing. Wow, it's like a microcosm of America. When i first started this labor, i worked as fast as i could to try to get into people's good graces and guarantee i'd be able to keep a roof over my head. Now that i'm there, i've gotten fat and lazy, I don't want to work any more or any harder than I absolutely have to to get the money, and I resent it when i'm called upon to lift a finger anymore. Now all i need is for some harder working immigrant to come and take my job so i can bitch about how i got screwed, and i can personally be the voice of 99% of this country's white workforce.
"whatever was in the vcr, it's not mine"
"that's ok, Mulder. I put it in the cabinet with all the other tapes that aren't yours."
There's a pan full of green chili brownies sitting in my apartment right now, if anyone's interested. Don't make that face, you idiots. At least not until you've tried them. They're good, really. Everyone at the office told me so.
It's ok though. If they'd said they sucked, my backup plan was to just go "APRIL FOOL! I can't believe i just tricked you into eating brownies with CHILI in them! What are you guys, retarded?" Fortunately for us all, it didn't have to come to that.
A couple weeks ago, i was "encouraged" to apply for a job opening with the company i'm temping for. Same office, same everything, just a massive pay raise, to the point of being an awful lot for a single guy whose only real addiction is cheap comic books. (around $40K a year...the pay, not the cost of cheap comic books)
I've decided not to apply, and told them so today. When they asked me why, i told them honestly- I don't want to work for this company any longer than i need to.
I realize that i've been skating perilously close to becoming complacent. Probably more than close, actually. I'm making too much money to do too little work, and it's starting to make me forget what it was i really wanted to do in the first place. Have I quit yet? no. Unfortunately. It's gonna be a bit still before i can really make anything happen for myself. But I feel like i took a step today, man. I'm keeping it real, by destroying my big chance for an 8 to 4 desk job that i really hate but will pay me handsomely for the rest of my working life.
"I don't wanna process anything, sell anything ,or buy anything. I don't wanna sell anythign bought or processed, buy anything processed or sold, or process anything sold or bought..."
Hey, it's really not much of a victory, or even a step in any direction. But it mad me feel good, if for only a fleeting instant. And at least this time i pissed off the right people, on purpose, and for the right reason, something i've been having a hard time managing lately.
Emily, even though we fight, i love you. I wish you would tell me what's really bothering you, instead of letting all this other crap get to you.
Even though there's a lot of dark clouds and thunderstorms all over, I do feel like today, spring started in my soul....
Heheheheh. I don't remember which cheesy inspirational calender i copied that one from, but I do have to remember to go back there for future references.
I THINK i'm supposed to start training at bristol this weekend, but i'm not sure. Somewhere during a car wash or something the paper that had the info scrawled on it got tossed. I really hope it's not this weekend. That'd be really inconvenient for me. And as well all know, a delicate genius like me can only operate under certain conditions. Otherwise, i might as well just stay in my trailer.
Oh, and before I go, a hearty congratulations to Lewis and Clark... I mean, Warren and Mavin for moving way the hell out in the middle of nowhere for reasons i have yet to truly understand. But in every evil there is some good, as they have also managed to find the last McDonalds in the state that still carries out the traditional monday night "family night special" with the 20 piece chicken nuggets.
"How come everyone always snaps and thinks they're Jesus? Why doesn't anyone snap and think they're Buddha? Particularly in this country, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus."
Pull the sticks out of your asses, cocksmokers! It's almost Ultimate season again!
Buddha Bubba
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