2004-04-01 - 7:40 p.m.
"Timing doesn't give a shit what's good for you, dude." - LT. Johnson.
What's up, you sewer-dwelling gobs of ape semen?
I am pissed. I'm in a mood. I'm in a mood because i can't win. Well, more specifically, i lost again. that's really all there is to it. I didn't even want to play this time around. I was trying my hardest to be a spectator on the sidelines, and somehow, i lost anyway, depsite never getting on the field. What the fuck??? I can't even do the right thing without pissing someone off? Fuck this noise.
Here I was, all set to run with this face turn for a good long while. All set to be the nice guy for a change (well, nicer...more of a tweener character, turned face because his heel antics made the crowd loved him rather than any noticable shift in behavior...amazing how wrestling references pepper even my "i'm serious, this isn't a game" sentences)
Apparently, being a heel pissed some people off. So i try going face, and just piss off a different set of people. Fuck it. If'n you're gonna hate me anyways, why bother trying to do the right thing? how about i just do the thing that makes me feel good? So starting now, it's back to abusing people and taking advantage of them. No more considering the consequences, or worrying about how someone else might get hurt. Selfish, all the way. At least then i get to feel good for awhile before people get all pissed off.
Fuck you all.
T ( i can't believe i've been conned into playing that ridiculous game. douchebag), is right about one thing- it's hard to resist the deep down need to fuck up. it's because regret is the easiest thing to feel on teh face of the planet. Regret lets you off the hook. YOu don't have to try harder- you just have to regret the mistakes of the past. then when you repeat them, you can just regret them again,a nd you feel like you're really doing something about it. Plus regret is a hard emotion to shake, which is good for those of us who cut ourselves off from a lot of feelings- it's a good emotion to drink and listen to hank williams while feeling....
But it's best to regret somehting you enjoyed at the time, rather than regret spending lots of sleepless nights wondering what the hell you're gonna do now.
So if any of you have ever wondered, NO, it's not really any work at all to be this much of an asshole, yes, i learned long ago to just like it cause it's easy and can be fun, and yes, i definitely do it on purpose. All you'll ever get to see me as is just an asshole, truly and honestly. I do think of how my actions will affect others, and even myself, then i decide, fuck me, and fuck you all too.
And i'm not sorry anymore.
Ken
And i still want some goddam pictures. I know i'm not the only person who had a camera, cause if i was, that would explain why it got stolen. Bastards.
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