2004-03-11 - 10:19 p.m.
"i've seen some fucked up things in my time, but this just about takes the fucked up cake..."
So i went downtown today to bust some heads open down that the temp agency (for some reason, call me a jerk, but i don't like not getting paid for three weeks when my checks are supposed to come weekly. I know, i 'm a hard-ass, what can i say?)
As i'm leaving to head for the bus stop, i bump into my good buddy Vince, fresh back from chicago.
"Hey, how are you? what are you doing right now?"
"Heading home. See? Bus stop."
"oh, cool. Come with me, we'll do some networking."
"um...ok."
Next thing I know i've checked my stuff with a conceirge and i'm in a conference room on the seventh floor of Phister sipping a jack and coke and talking to some woman about what she does for a living.
Instant Networking- you go into a room and sit at a table, and chat for 3 minutes with the person across from you. After that, a whistle blows, and you move to your left. (Apparently they have this for dating too. That'd be really handy. Three minutes is all it usually takes for a girl to realize she doesn't want to be seeing me, and this way i can just move right down the line)
I wasn't int he formal event, i was a guest, so i got told by Vince to "mingle"
"What do you do for a living?"
"Actor for hire."
"Excuse me?"
"I sell my acting talents to whoever needs them for whatever reason."
"Do you do nude acting?"
"What?"
Yeah, that conversation actually happened. I wandered around a room filled with business people pretending to be whoever i felt like for the whole evening. For awhile i pimped the actual company i work for. For awhile i was an actor for hire. For awhile i was just looking for work, and can i send you my resume. For awhile i pimped vince's computer tech. For awhile i was an interior designer,a nd by the end of the night i felt sufficiently comfortable to pass myself off as a young up and coming VP of a bank in brookfield.
Which, by the way, is really hard to do when you're talking to the actual vp of another bank in brookfield. i was sufficiently buzzed by that point not to notice or care if he saw through my little ruse, though, so it was all good. I would have done better if i hadn't be dressed in ratty khakis and a polo shirt though.
Lessee, i met a girl who wanted me around to remind her why she gave up being a hippie and sold her soul to capitalism. I met a guy who sells tombstones. Im et a girl who grew up in ripon and is now with a temp service (gotta talk to her about finding a job where i actually get my FUCKING MONEY ONCE IN AWHILE!)
And i got to mingle with a bunch of souless fucks in business suits pretending they actually care about what you have to say or even what they do for a living. Whores at the capitalist gangbang, one and all.
Sorry this wasn't as funny as it could be, but i'm friggin' tired.
This was a fun night though. have to do it again sometime, only with business cards and t-shirts.
Ken
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