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2003-12-22 - 7:10 p.m.

Brook- "Lift my days and light up my nights."

Me- "Yeah, with PYRO. Nothing says love like setting stuff on FIRE!"

Brook- "Just ask Great White."

I shit you not, those words came out of his mouth.

You know what's a lot of fun? going to a party at a friends house and snubbing the people you don't like, but still being the life of the party anyway.

here in the apartment, we're using my cactus (Jack) as a christmas tree. And now we have ornaments for him, too. We're lame white men.

I just got into a fight with someone i'm trying really hard to be friends with. But it's so awkward. I haven't felt this weird since the first time I saw that Green Lantern had gotten himself an Eskimo sidekick, and actually had the audacity to give him the nickname Pieface.

Yeha, you read that right. Figure that one out. And this was at a time when comics were laboring under a self-censorship called the Comics Code that was designed to keep comics acceptable to kids. Apparently seeing someone bleed when they, I dunno, get cut by a razor is a lot more objectionable and damaging to a kids psyche than being led to believe that it's acceptable to refer to an Eskimo man as Pieface.

What's next, a black guy who did time in prison and says, "Sweet Christmas!" a lot? Wait...they did that too.

People ask me all the time why I love comic books so much, especially when mostly they hear me complaing about the bad stuff, of which there is a ton.

It's funny how your heroes always wind up letting you down. You believe in someone, and they become a drug addict who cares more about his shitty band than anything else, or they do a commercial for a dvd player even though they're a millionaire already.

Least now i don't have to worry about seeing Jersey Girl. And by the way, if anyone wants a copy of Clerks on DVD, drop me a line.

Fucking whore. And for the record, Chasing Amy sucked balls.

"What about birth control?"

"Menopause."

"Aren't I the lucky boy..."

See, you thought i was gonna answer that question of why I actually love comics so much, but then i just went and changed subjects on you. I figure, why should the simple fact of my existence only piss some of you off? When i become a comic book character, i'm going to have an italian sidekick named Guido...wait, that's been done too. Nevermind.

So I'm going to be all alone on Christmas Day. No family, no friends, just me sitting in my apartment drinking beer and playing video games all day.

Go tell it to your grandmother.

Sorry, that was my attempt to make people well up with tears over the idea of me being alone. Seems to work for other folk, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

"All I want out of life is mine...And maybe a little of yours."

Ken

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