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2003-09-24 - 10:00 p.m.

***Warning- the following entry contains a massive amount of horseshit with the ignorance volume turned to maximum. But my name is Ken, and thus this is important.***

Dude.

Today at the toy store I saw the best thing I've seen in a long, long time. The type of thing that makes even my bitter, angry, world weary heart find its smile again.

Something I'd been searching for since I was in high school.

What, second base?

No, that still eludes me. I refer to something far more glorious, in my approximation.

Ken. Barbie's boyfriend (shut up)-

They finally made a Ken doll that isn't dressed like a raging homosexual. After years of searching, and only finding Concert Date Ken (complete with tickets to see a boy band, and binoculars to better view and thus jerk off to said boy band) or Skate Date Ken (with a sweater so gay I can't even think of a good gay comparison for it), or Beach Date Ken with his amazingly gay swim trunks, I have finally found a Ken doll that's actually dressed in a hetero style.

James Bond Ken. In a black tuxedo. No one, and Ken means NO ONE, can look like a raging homosexual while wearing a simple black tuxedo.

Well, except for a bull dyke, but that's another matter entirely.

I'm not sure which Bond this Ken doll is supposed to be. His face and hair look simply awful, but fuck that. I can always put the tux on a better looking Ken doll (perhaps Steel Industry Worker Ken) to actually create a Ken doll I don't feel ashamed to share a name with. And perhaps one who can stand up for himself next time some kid tries to have their GI Joe figure fuck Barbie while forcing Ken to watch, then beat the crap out of Ken.

Lousy fucking GI Joe. And you just know that if they ever tried to make an armed forces version of Ken, he'd wind up looking like a walking example of don't ask, don't tell.

Okay, now that i've got you sufficiently pissed off and offended, I can get to the real point of this entry, which is to tell you about my new job. I'm working 25 hours a week as an EOB puller for Aurora Health. What's an EOB? EOB stands for Explanation of Benefits. It's basically a breakdown of your medical expenses, and a breakdown of how much your insurance paid, and what you owe, if anything, and to who.

My job consists of getting a fax from my boss in Tennessee every morning, pulling the EOB's she wants, photocopying them, putting the originals back, and FEDEXing the copies to her at the end of each day.

That's it. That's all. A monkey could do my job on minimal training. Three days in, and i'm already better than most of my coworkers at it. It's temp work, and not full time, so I have no problem telling them to go fuck themselves when somethign better comes along, too. (Translation- i'm still searching for a job, really, although I have a few part time leads that look promising)

The part that's gonna offend all of you is when I tell you how much I make.

Ready for this? Be sure to go back and reread my job duties one more time, for maximum impact.

Somehow I conned them into paying me $12/hr. for this crap.

It's really not that great, I know. Especially since I only get 25 hours a week. But doesn't it seem the least bit outrageous that they would pay that much for a job that requires that little? Just remember, next time you pay for your medical insurance, that a good part of the reason your premiums are so high is to fund the salaries of people with jobs like mine.

Sleep tight, and remember-

He's Perfect...

He's Flexible...

And for $6.99, Anyone can have a man like

Ken

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