2003-09-08 - 11:19 p.m.
Occasionally even the dumbest of people say things that are truly insightful. Of course, it's hampered by the fact that it sounds dumber coming out of their mouths and not, say, mine, but there it is.
Recently I've been reminded of the time a couple months ago when this girl actually opened her mouth and something intelligent came out for a change.
To paraphrase- it's interesting the way that we work at cross-purposes to what we really want a lot of the time. There are times when we do things that we know we shouldn't be doing, and as a result of the fallout, we do more things we don't intend to do, and after a while we're in so far over our heads that we just keep doing the bad stuff because we really don't see any way out. You start to think that it's beyond salvaging, and you don't even like what you're doing, you just don't feel strong enough to try to turn it around anymore. And in the meantime, what you really want keeps getting farther and farther out of reach, until finally, out of some sort of self-punishment, you do things that you know full well will just drive your goal away from you, and even though you still want it, you honestly have no idea anymore how to get to it, and at least doing something that feels bad is easy and readily available, and maybe other people will be as miserable as you are.
This was thought provoking to me, because I do this kind of shit all the time, (did it just yesterday, in fact) but I thought that most of the rest of the world reserved that type of behavior for bad angst rock songs. Damn but I was wrong. Weird.
For those of you who don't already know and/or haven't met her, my sister has settled in at Ripon now as a transfer. Y ou're all cordially invited to look the other way and shut your fucking eyes when she shows pictures of me from when i was 11.
She fits in quite nicely, especially down at Tau. She's got the Dillon mouth and half the wit, but she does have more of a sense of decency than I do. Overall she's a much nicer person than I am, although I know that that's not saying much. But she won't try to ruin your life and/or make you cry just for fun, so you're safe there. Other than that, I can't tell you much about her- we're not very close. I know that even as I write this, she's learning way more than I ever want her to report to our mother about me.
See, I am human. I'm still a mama's boy at heart.
I really never do know when to shut up.
Heh- I just read wej's mind twice. Because sometimes I'm fucking amazing.
Win spectacularly or lose horribly (much like this entry), and I remain
Ken
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