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2003-05-12 - 10:57 p.m.

"Do you ever take a long hard look at yourself - you know, when you're not drunk or angrily self-righteous? Do you ever wonder where you get off judging people around you? Do you ever wonder what's underneath all the bluster and small-penis jokes? How sad must you be, to get satisfaction from simple bullying like calling names?"

-from Somebody you call worthless

Come on, people, show a little consistency here. Either take me seriously or don't, but quit straddling the fence all the time. Everyone wants to think I'm joking all the time and not take me seriously when I'm trying to be sincere, fine. That's ok. But then don't get pissed off when I do something you don't like, such as call you worthless (and don't think I don't know who you are, and you are in fact a worthless inbred piece of garbage. Now that's simple bullying like calling people names, and it's not actually a very sad pursuit. It's actually quite satisfying). Don't take ANYTHING I do seriously. This is for you-

THERE IS NOTHING TO ME BENEATH ALL THE "PENIS JOKES AND BLUSTER"!!! I AM A SAD HOLLOW SHELL OF A MAN WHO CAN ONLY ENJOY HIS LIFE BY POINTING OUT THE SHORTCOMINGS OF OTHERS AND "JUDGING THEM"!!!

And do you know why that is? Because WE'RE ALL FUCKING LIKE THAT!!!! Every goddamn one of us judges other people every second of every day, and anyone who says they don't is a fucking liar. The most openminded people I know judge others, and I'm sorry if I don't consider it a virtue to withold that judgement and keep my mouth shut when I happen to find someone lacking. because I am reminded of my own shortcomings every goddamn day when I am judged by other people and found lacking. Every time I get passed over for a part because I'm not thin enough, or told that I am undesirable in whatever capacity "because you're Ken," or accused of being lame, or when my girlfriend fucking cheats on me or leaves me for someone else. These things happen because we all judge others in every capacity every time we interact with them or even think about them, and I judge myself every fucking day, when I'm not "drunk or angrily self-righteous" and you know what? Frequently I agree. I'm not thin enough, attractive enough, nice enough, good enough, smart enough, or talented enough. But I AM WHO I FUCKING AM! At least i'm my own goddamn person and not some pathetic moron constantly running around trying to curry everyone else's favor or hanging around with people who use me and are bad for me just because they're the only people who pay attention to me.

I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO BE ON MY OWN IF NECESSARY AND NOT BE WITH ANYone JUST FOR THE SAKE OF BEING WITH SOMEone!

And if you can't deal with that, then that's just too FUCKING BAD! Just because I can state my judgements out in the open doesn't make them hurt ANY more or less than when you judge someone else in some other way. It's a part of how we all fucking operate, because we are all worthless pieces of garbage, and by the way, all you're doing by getting self-righteous at the thoughts I put on virtual paper is judging me, but I guess that's somehow better because you chose to stay anonymous, because you are too weak to openly confront whatever pisses you off.

You can all kiss my fat ass. You will never see me in any state other than drunk or angrily self-righteous, because I fucking said so, and anyway I'm like that 23.5 hours a day. And you can remind me of my own faults all you want, but trust me, no one is more acutely aware of them than I am, and if you get this bent out of shape at hearing yours vocalized, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself with any "angry self-righteousness." Fucking coward.

In other news, I finished my last final today. I'm no longer a college student.

I leave Ripon around the 22nd for New Mexico. Any Riponites who are around at that time will get to meet my little sister (except those of you who I deem are fucking worthless.)

Anything else I could put here would seem kind of anticlimactic, and i already feel a lot like the last guy to leave the party, drunkenly dancing away after everyone else who made the party fun has taken off.

Ken

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