2003-05-05 - 10:57 p.m.
So my sem is now done. 14 pages on the evolution of Lakota Sioux literature and the influence of EuroAmerican oppression on said literature. Good stuff, especially since it's one of the few projects I've ever gotten really excited about, given its close personal nature. My grandma says I might have a shot at giving a talk in Denver on the topic if I expand it some.
My grandma says? Well, my mom says I'm cool.
Actually my mom made fun of my dorkiness more than anyone else. It just about gave her a heart attack the first time she ever found out I had a girlfriend. She might have thought I was gay or something. Only my mom would ever think that, cause only my mom thinks I'm good looking enough to be a gay man. That's one of the great constants in life.
I've been accused of thinking too much and not letting my emotions guide me enough. I guess it's true, but I think I do it because I find that people who "think with their hearts" are basically just saying so because they want you to excuse and forgive their stupid half-assed decisions, like they don't have to face the same consequences as those who actually take a minute to ponder whether what they're doing is really a good idea or just seems like it at the time.
This is not to say that I don't get emotional and make bad decisions. I do. But my bad decisions are fueled by anger, and thus still feel good even weeks later. Telling someone off and letting them know how worthless/manipulative/stupid I think they are is always a positive, even if it costs a friendship.
Although lately I'm trying to adopt a more zen attitude toward my dealings with some people and find ways not to get mad at them...
Seriously.
For example, whenever I start to get irritated at a girl I've slept/hooked up/otherwise fooled around with, and she's yelling at me, I find I can keep remarkably calm by reminding myself during her tirade that my dick's been in her mouth.
Try it sometime. You honestly can't even keep a straight face during the most heated argument if you do this...
Girl- YOU'RE SUCH A DICK! YOU HAVE NO REGARD FOR ANYONE, YOU'RE SELFISH, AND I HATE...WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUNNY?
Me- *chuckle* My dick's been in your mouth!
Guaranteed to end the argument, if only cause she'll probably run away crying.
Either that or she'll hit you, in which case the argument is technically over, as you've now moved on to the fight. Try it sometime, or something similar- My dick's been in your ass/you gave me a handjob/I've seen your penis, etc...
Cause really, what's the point of even trying to be civil anymore? Face it, we must embrace resentment when we encounter it.
"If you have hate in your heart, let it out!"
I will, Clayton. I will.
I've figured out why I'm melonchaly right now- it's not cause I'm going to miss that many people when I leave, in fact, it's the opposite- I'm sad that so many people have proven themselves to be completely worthless, and I'm left wishing I would miss more people. There's a good eight or nine folk I'll wish I could see every day, but many of them I don't see every day anyway, despite sharing a town of 7000 with them, so I guess I'll get used to it.
Don't know what I'll do without jharick, though.
Probably have to have Brook start addressing me using racial slurs on a regular basis just so it feels the same.
That'd be funny.
Well, this retrospective is wrapping up, and this douchebag is burning out, so I think I'll leave you with a Hank Williams that was actually sent to me by someone else, and I have no idea why (sure I don't) But it's a good song.
Tonight down here in the valley
I'm lonesome and O how I feel
As I sit here alone in my cabin
I can see your mansion on the hill
Do you recall when we parted
The story to me you revealed
You said you could live without loving
In your loveless mansion on the hill
I've waited all through the years love
To give you a heart true and real
Cause I know you're living in sorrow
In your loveless mansion on the hill
The light shines bright from yer window
The trees stand so silent and still
I know you're alone with your pride dear
In your loveless mansion on the hill
�
