2002-04-30 - 12:41 p.m.
"I love it when Ken dances like a broken white boy. It's so fun." -Jharick
Greetings to all you SOB's, Black Berets, fuckwits and Massive Tools out there.
I don't really know what to say right now. I've noticed that I have a tendency to go for extended periods of time without much in the way of entries, then every couple weeks I'll take a deep breath and just spout for a good long while.
That last entry was a hell of a spout.
"And I think the question on everyone's mind today, Ken, is- why so angry? What's with all the rage?"
I don't want you all to think this is some kind of new personality quirk, either. I've always been pissed off. Ask anyone who knew me in high school- I was angry and bitter all the time. I just go through phases with it- sometimes I keep it bottled up, and then there are other times when I'm not at all shy about expressing it. I just think that nowadays the expressive phases (or as I like to refer to them, my "Red Periods") last longer.
Don't ask me where it comes from, though. I mean, I can tell you what pissed me off on any given occasions, but I'm at a loss to explain how it is that I have all this anger just waiting on the surface to be tapped into so easily. Some people cry at the slightest provocation, some people always have a smile ready, I always have a searing ball of rage.
Heh. I should come with a warning label, like Ned Flanders-
"From now on, if any of you does something I don't like, you're gonna hear about it. And if you really tick me off, I'm gonna run you down with my car..."
That could be like my mission statement or something.
Or something. In this case, the "or something" probably best translates as "or I've just wasted ten minutes of everyone's life." And don't try to lie to me- I know some of you are really slow readers and getting this far has taken you ten minutes. And yes, if you read that slowly, that is something to be ashamed of. How the hell did you ever get out of high school, anyway?
Those of you who went to high school in New Mexico are excused from the previous question.
So this weekend was a lot of fun, for anyone who cares. I had a great time, blah blah, always hold a special place in my heart and memories, yadda yadda, cue love theme from Titanic, bonding, blah blah, love you all, blah blah blah, totally new zest for life, etc, etc, etc, had so much fun I nearly puked, blah blah blah, and all that happy crap.
Some of you miss the point of events like Formal. For better or worse, those of us in this little schoolyard group of Greek letters are a community and family, and as such, we need a time of year when we can all gather to have a good time together, even those of us who don't like each other very much.
It doesn't matter what happened last time Massive Tool Z came to town. Forget it tonight.
Don't worry about what might happen when Fuckwit A bumps into Black Beret M, if we all go into this with the right attitude, nothing bad will happen.
Hey, SOB S in the corner, trying to sneak off, where do you think you're going? You're not having fun? You're down? Doesn't fucking matter. Either start raising a glass or start boogieing your ass. Doesn't matter which, just pick one.
People- just once, one night and one night only forget everything else exists- all your worries, personal demons, animosities, feuds, grudges, and all that other crap that makes the other 364 days a year of our lives so interesting, and just imagine that the only things that exist in the world are the dance floor, the music, the bar and it's ample supply of alcohol and these people who constitute your extended family. The rest of it is all extraneous, even the little details like how much money you're spending. Worry about all that tomorrow.
Every Formal I've been to ranks as one of the best nights of my life, especially this year. There were plenty of people there I didn't like, plenty of things going on that I didn't like, I spent way too much money, and my body is still trying to put itself back together.
It was all over way too soon. And no, I don't know what point I'm really trying to get across here, except that those of you who didn't have a good time, who went home early, or sat in the corner by yourself, or fought with people you saw there, you all completely missed the point of the whole damn thing- you didn't let the magic happen.
Now, I'm a believer in grudges and hate and feuds and there are people in this family I'll always despise, but just on that night...LET IT ALL GO!
Some of you did, much to my suprise, and I came away with a new measure of respect and regard for those who did because they remembered that we're there to have a good time for a few hours. And for that I thank you.
Amd no, if you don't think you can let go, you should STILL come. Staying away is not an option, cause it's just not right. It's like a family reunion. You just gotta go, cause you're part of the family, and that's all there is to it, especially with this family, cause since you entered into it voluntarily, you can never completely divorce yourself from it, no matter how hard you try.
And that's what I learned this weekend, in between bouts of drinking. And no, I was only once even in the remotest danger of puking on Saturday night, The shot of Rumplemints had me on the ropes, but I fought back by chasing it with a shot of Jack, and then everything was fine. I appreciate your concern.
This week will be an interesting struggle with the homework I didn't do over the weekend (cause I was LETTING GO, see?)
So that's all I've got to say about that...oh, except for one thing...
Jon asked me to put something in here like the last entry, only this time making fun of people who have locked their on-line diaries so they are now only accessible to a select few via a password.
I'm not gonna do it, really, because the stupidity inherent in something like that should be obvious to everyone. I shouldn't have to point out that if there's something you don't want people to read, don't write it here, if you don't want anyone to read any of it, write it someplace no one knows about, and if you only want a select few to hear your thoughts, write them a goddamn email.
I'm not going to say that you are an exceptionally stupid SOB if you tell everyone you keep an online diary, actually advertising it and listing other people's diaries on your profile so that they all know your diary is there, then prevent anyone from being able to read it. I don't need to say that this essentially makes you the asshole at the party who's always pulling guests aside to bitch about the other guests behind their backs, only you don't do it with any kind of subtlety or grace, so the whole party knows exactly what you're doing, but no one will call you out for it because they want to keep the atmosphere sociable and civilized.
I think I don't need to remind everyone that since I'm neither sociable nor civilized, I can say that doing such a thing is A) extremely rude and B) really fucking stupid, not to mention childish, and if there's one thing I know, it's childish behavior.
You're all grown up, supposedly intelligent individuals, so I shouldn't have to tell you all to grow up and grow a pair. We say the things we say here, here specifically because we want others to hear them and listen to what we have to say, and a big part of being able to do that is having the testicular fortitude to take any backlash that comes from what you say. Last semester, as the result of someone overreacting to a joke I made in an entry here, I had to deal with Ripon police officers coming to my door to interrogate me about whether or not I possessed any weapons or knew where to acquire them, and everything I'd ever said in these pages was scrutinized by the bacon and by members of the college administration for evidence that I might present a danger to the Ripon community, or some crap like that, and I had to deal with all of that.
You'll notice this diary is still here, still open to the public, and, if anything, even more full of inflammatory statements. It was either that, or simply stop writing in it entirely, but I'd never consider locking it. None of this "This is my diary, I write about you in it, and it's right out here in public- sorry, you can't read it." garbage.
See, I don't need to tell you all these things because you are mature, intelligent, rational SOBs who are fully capable of realizing what an amazingly stupid thing you'd be doing if you locked up a public diary.
And, for the record, I'd like to add that I still don't read the diaries most of you keep anyway, with a couple exceptions, unless someone tells me specifically, "Ken, you should read Massive Tool C's latest entry, it's pretty good," in which case I'll peruse it. So I'm not saying anything cause I feel slighted or cheated, cause I just don't care. Nor do I care whatever dumbfuck reasons you might have for doing so in the first place. In your tiny little minds they may be good, justifiable reasons, but guess what? You're wrong. It's the principle of the thing.
Peace,
Ken
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