2001-11-04 - 2:46 p.m.
Obscene starflower
swaggering stumbling, faintly
bashfully, leech prowls
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Jesse- "I'm going to give Carlos a big-ass "ING" for Christmas. Just those three letters, to remind him that they do appear on the ends of words like DoING, and GoING, etc..."
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John- So Alex's woman is here tonight, that's why he's all dressed up.
Ken- Alex's woman? Was she that cripple who came to rehearsal last week?
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Britt- Bob, from the booth, the stage looks like a giant used pad.
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Molly- Careful with that, Thayne. You don't wanna pull a Dillon going down those stairs.
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Jesse- It's funny how someone's last name can easily become an obscene noun. "This morning, I woke up with a huge Bremer. I had to wait for it to go away before I could go to the bathroom and take a Dillon."
Ken- You did remember to wipe your Rye, right?
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ACTF Critic- So that wraps up my notes for you guys. Was there anything you all wanted to ask me?
Ken- Did my dress make me look fat?
Critic- I think it was the color. Anything else?
John- Did standing near Ken while he was wearing his dress make me look fat?
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See, I'm gay, but I can't tell my parents that, because that would involve being truthful with someone I claim to care about. So instead, I'll lie to everyone. Might as well be an easy slut, too.
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John- You're doing a really good job, Ken. But Bob wanted me to give you an extra special note for tonight. Please make a concerted effort not to fall down the stairs this time. The poor Bacchae wouldn't know what to do if you fell- help you, or kick you, or start snacking on you. And Molly especially doesn't want you landing on her.
Ken- Yeah, when I tripped, it was pretty bad, wasn't it?
Joe- Not that bad. It actually helped set the scene even better. More dramatic.
Ken- Hmmm...I wonder if I could try to trip like that on purpose again tomorrow night....
Bob (From his office)- I don't think so, Ken!
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What is up with 213? Can anyone help me out with that one?
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Ken- This is in revenge for me hugging you like that in front of your father, isn't it, Jesse?
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Jesse- One might almost say he was "prone."
Ken- Ha, ha. Say that again, and you'll be prone- on the floor, clutching your genitals.
Molly- You two are such dicks. And not the good, hard kind, either...
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It's not what you do, it's who you do it with that can make any day truly miserable. Always be willing to drop your plans if a third wheel comes along.
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John- Two Irishmen are adrift in a liferaft in the middle of the ocean when one of them finds a bottle. He rubs it for fun, and wouldn't you know, out pops a genie. The genie explains that he is a special genie, and can only grant one wish to the Irishman. He thinks about it for a bit, and says, "I wish the entire ocean was made of guinness." Poof! All the water in the ocean turns into rich, dark, chewy guinness, and the genie vanishes.
The second Irishman glares at his friend angrily. "YOU IDIOT!!!" he screams. "Now we have to piss in the raft!!!"
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