2001-08-22 - 7:02 p.m.
You ever have something really, really strange happen, and you stand there and think about and you can't decide how you feel about it, short of the fact that you're obviously not 100% cool with it at this time because otherwise you wouldn't be having this reaction, although maybe you'll be okay with it in the future but you just don't know so you stand there thinking about it some more, and you think maybe you'd like to go ahead and solicit someone else's advice, not necessarily because you can't decide what to make of it, but maybe just because telling someone might help you figure it all out, but you don't want to tell anyone about it because it was just that damn weird and dizzifying that you'd be embarrassed to even talk about it, and so you go on standing there thinking about it some more and trying to decide what it is you feel, not even what you're going to do, just what the opinion you're going to have about the whole thing will be, even if you never plan on doing anything, or even mentioning it specifically one way or the other to anyone else, ever, which causes you to wonder if maybe it's really not a big deal and it's not worth all the thought, but you know it has to be because that's just how you FEEL, that it's kind of a big thing because otherwise you wouldn't be dwelling on it, so maybe it's not important in the grand scheme of things (although really, very little is), but it's important to you, and that's what actually matters, that you think it's important, so you think about this weird thing some more, and you still try just to decide how you feel about it, and you just stand there thinking, "Come on, all I want is a damn answer. I want a feeling. Can I borrow a feeling? How does it feel? Am I shocked? Mad? Sad? Happy? Relieved? Overjoyed? Nirvanic? Hungry? Will someone please just tell me how I feel about this?" and you realize only you can answer that, which doesn't help you at all anyway, so you go back to standing there thinking about it and just driving yourself utterly fucking insane?
"Some rides don't have much of a finish
That's the ride I took...
Through good and bad and straight to indifferent,
Without a second look...."
Ken
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