2001-03-21 - 07:50 p.m.
This entry will be short because I have to be someplace in ten minutes.
Let me just start off by saying that today.....was pretty cool. And it was cool for one reason, and one reason only. No, it wasn't that classes were particularly good, although they didn't suck. And it wasn't that I logged on and found some really cool e-mail from someone I hadn't heard from in a long while (that was a couple days ago, although my forays into the world of pixelized information today did yield several suprising and interesting results. But that's a tale for another time.)
No, today was cool because I got to play Ultimate Frisbee for an hour before dinner with several of my good buddies. And it wasn't the winning or the losing that made it cool (generally, I don't even keep score. It's odd, because I know that I can be an extremely competitive individual at time, sometimes too much so for my own good, since I tend to see everyone else as better than I am, yet I'm not really that competitive about Frisbee. I know I'm good, better than most, but I also know that lots of people are better than me, so I just play because it's fun.)
Anyway, it was just what I needed. At the risk of sounding blasphemous, it was actually almost a spiritual experience for me. (No, I'm not so pathetic that I found God on a frisbee field) But, you see, I'm not a very spiritual guy most of time. I still haven't decided yet if I believe in God, or anything like that. Generally, actually, I don't even give it a whole lot of thought, which is bad, I know, but it seems like there's always something a little more urgent or pressing than finding something to believe in. (And I know, maybe finding it would help put these other "problems"- I know most of what I whine about now won't matter in three months, unlike some people's troubles which are real and potentially life-long- into perspective and make me realize that they don't matter as much, but bear with me here.)
It's just that after being pretty well cooped inside for a few months now, too cold or sick or depressed to even go outside and do anything as difficult as walking to class, being able to go out into the sun (I love the sun. I think I'm addicted to sunlight) was nothing short of....well....awesome, for lack of a better word. All the crap I give and recieve and all the problems with life kind of went away for a while, and I just played. It's dumb, I know, but it's all I've got.
Yes, I did get hurt. We were on a slick field. I slipped, lost my footing and landed on the back of my head. Yeah, it hurt a lot. Yeah, I saw stars. No, I don't have another concussion. Yeah, I'm still going to play again tomorrow. Yeah, I'm going to be sore in the morning. It's okay. I think that maybe, for me at least, some degree of my mental well-being has to come at a sacrifice of my physical well-being on occasion. So many of the things I love to do, the things that make me feel the happiest, also result in injuries of the physical nature. Sports and wrestling, obviously, are the things that spring to mind immediately. However, I've hurt myself on-stage, acting, on several occasions. I don't know if it's natural clumsiness and ineptitude mixed with misfortune, or if it's my way of compensating for the fact that these kinds of things make me really happy. I'll have to ponder that.
Ken
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