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2001-02-08 - 05:04:01

Why do I have this urge to talk about loving people again? I don't know, but I'm not going to do it. Special hi to Melissa, who signed my guestbook, making her the fourth person to read this monstrosity who has never met me in real life. I'm almost famous!!! How many people have to know who you are before you become famous, anyway?

I had my blind date tonight.

How was it, Ken?

It was okay. I had a reasonable amount of fun. I think I've made a new friend.

Do you think you'll go out again?

No, at least not in any capacity except friends hanging out, and even then, probably not alone.

Why don't you want to pursue a relationship, Ken?

I'm just not interested.

Why not?

Why don't you like giving oral sex to sheep? Do we have to explain why we do or don't like things? We just do or don't like them, and nothing can be done about it. If, for example, I hate you, the other half of my personality (which I do, by the way) I don't have to explain why, because a) there doesn't have to be a reason, and b) nothing can be done about it anyway.

But, Ken, I don't have to like the fact that you hate me, do I?

No, and you don't have to explain why you don't like the fact that I hate you, either. Feelings are cool that way.

Are you gay, Ken?

No, I'm not. Let's move on.

I skipped a field trip to Milwaukee I was supposed to go on today. We were going to see a play at the Milwaukee Rep.

Why didn't you go, Ken? Did you not want to see the play?

No, I really did. In fact, I'm going to to try to go to Milwaukee soon to see it myself. And not just because I have to write a review of it for the class.

So why didn't you go?

Cause I didn't want to go on a tour of the Milwaukee Rep for the sixth time. That's the only reason.

Wow, Ken. You're f---ing insane.

Yeah, I know.

Not the most dedicated and academically motivated student, either, are you?

Nope, never pretended to be.

Dress like a slob, too.

Yeah. I know.

Not a very good lay. Or a good kisser. Or a good boyfriend. Or even a good date, for that matter.

I know. It's all true. I've never pretended otherwise.

Not to mention your eating habits, overweightyness, and personal grooming habits.....

Okay, let's not lay it on too thick, here. There is such a thing as too much of a true thing.

I thought that was too much of a good thing.

Also true. Okay, you need to start telling some lies to balance out all these truths.

Okay. Ken Dillon is smart, funny, good looking, sexy, and everyone loves him.

Damn, if you had been lying on your back, your nose could have shattered the viewing lens on the Hubble telescope with that one. Good work.

Thank you. I try. So, the dread day of reckoning (auditions) is on Saturday. Today is Wednesday. You have roughly 62 hours before the worst two minutes of your life. Nervous much.

Well, now I am. Thanks.

Just try not to think about the 24 or so people who will be judging and evaluating your every move and sound for those precious two minutes you shelled out $30 plus room and board expenses for.

Gee, thanks. Any more self-esteem boosters for me, or can I go to bed now?

Well, we could get into how f---ed up your love life is right now....

No one needs to hear about that. Besides, how f---ed up can something that doesn't exist be?

Ask the Cheshire Cat.

Ken and Ken

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