Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

2001-01-28 - 17:14:05

I'm in. I gave such a killer audition (my performance as Random Acts of Violence Boy is going to be a classic. In fact, I'm going to write a comic book about a superhero by that name) that there's no way I can't be selected to do this TV show. Of course, it also helps that only 3 people showed up to audition for 8 spots, but it wouldn't have mattered if 300 people had showed up for 8 spots, I would have gotten selected.

So now I'm going to be on TV every two weeks. Granted, it's only Ripon's own cable access channel, so it's only going to be viewed by up to 7000 small-town Wisconsinites, but some of my friends are included in that 7000, so I'd better not suck. Otherwise I'll never hear the end of it. The best part is that all I have to do is show up for an hour's worth of filming every two weeks and be funny.

Be funny.

On command.

Damn, that's going to be hard. I mean, yeah, sometimes I can be a bit clever, but usually only when I'm not trying. I mean, I've done improv shows before, but not this regularly. I just hope my creativity and spontaniety hold up. By the way, aren't creative and spontaneous guys supposed to be more desirable to some faction of womankind? So how come it's always the dumb muscular ones that get all the chicas? Do women lie about stuff like that? I know men do, so I wouldn't put it past women, but they seem to be above that sort of thing....usually.

I also got a kick-ass haircut yesterday. I was starting to look like a freakin' hippie. I love my barbers. Yes, barbers. I have two. Ambrose in Albuquerque, and Svend in Ripon. They're both cool. Good conversationalists and they're good at cutting hair. Because they're BARBERS, not stylists. All they do is cut hair, not comb it in interesting new ways, and put five tons of girly styling products into it to make it look like they've actually cut some of it off. And I know what you're going to say-

"Ken, you hypocrite, you spend hours preening your hair and putting girly styling products into it. In fact, you're more vain about your hair than most people (and by people, we mean women) are about their entire appearance. Which is a shame, by the way, because, yeah, your hair is really nice, but the rest of you is an absolute mess. You're fat, ugly, and you dress like an unemployed dock worker. When was the last time you wore a shirt that didn't have a hole in it? You have Conan O'Brien's hair on a body that looks like Chris Farley on a binge, dressed like Homeless Jimmy."

And yeah, that's all true. I do put hours of preening and 4 metric tons of girly styling products into my hair every day. But that's my job. I'm supposed to do that kind of thing myself, in the privacy of my own room. The job of the barber cutting my hair, his sole job, is to CUT MY DAMN HAIR!!! Not shampoo it for me, not give me a massage while I'm waiting, not give me fashion advice, and it sure as hell isn't to charge $50 for that kind of thing. Just cut the damn hair. And my barbers both cost less than $10.

Sorry, I'm old fashioned about hair cutting. I just want to go to the barbershop with the striped pole, read a comic book while I wait my turn (and Svend has some kick-ass old ones), then talk about all manner of manly things like football and Svend's past experiences in the theatre (he was an actor too. We talk about how it's important to find a balance between culture and entertainment, and that it's perfectly all right to like theatre and football. the Greeks did. Well, not football, but wrestling, but it's close enough. And wrestling's cool.) Have the barber cut my hair, maybe part it for me when he combs it, then pay him $9, and go on my merry way. Maybe a shave with a straight razor and he trims my beard, too. But that's all.

Sorry. I guess I got a little carried away there. Now I'm going to go watch the Superbowl. Then maybe watch my tape of the Crucible. Or better yet, Shear Madness.

Ken

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!


powered by SignMyGuestbook.com