2001-01-20 - 02:39:04
You know, not having a computer readily available has been a really trippy experience. Well, maybe not trippy, but definitely different. My interest in e-mail and all things internet related (even my diary, I'm sad to say) has decreased, while my interest in listening to depressing music, which I have a ready supply of, has gone up quite a bit. I guess i just tend to amuse myself with whatever I don't have to make much effort to get. In this case, i'm perfectly happy sitting in my room listening to depressing music and wallowing in self-pity/self-loathing. (Two things I excel at.)
Don't worry, faithful readers (yes, both of you) I'm not going to be abandoning the page of fun and bitterness anytime soon. I promise to make more of an effort to keep you all up to date on my happenings and whereabouts (even if it means skipping classes to write in the old diary. I'm good at skipping classes)
My buddy John finally made his return to school. Finally a bright spot. I like John. He's fun. Even if he and I nearly killed each other when we were roommates. He's still one of my best buds.
Yesterday, I wore a grey t-shirt. This may strike the ignorant as being something that's no big deal, but it's a milestone for me. It marks the first time in three solid weeks that I haven't worn a white t-shirt. Yep, that's right. I even sleep in a white t-shirt. I think it's cause I like the irony/contrast of a person as evil and tainted as myself wearing something that signifies purity. If they only knew.....
I'm kind of sad. One of my friends doesn't seem to want to be my friend anymore, which is never a fun time. But what can you do? I'm going to just let go and stop trying to pursue. I figure if it's important that we stay friends, then we will somehow. Or will we....(cue chilling music)
There's a pref party going on all around me. I get to stay up until 3am recieving phone calls, and then I get to get more after I go to bed, then be up at some early-@$$ hour to have a house meeting. Why do I try so hard again? Is it really worth all the grief and frustration, especially if this year's pledge class has as much...controversy...as last year's did? No, actually, it's not worth all the agony. So why did I agree to do it again? Because....
I AM AN IDIOT!!!!
There. I said it, and recorded it for posterity. I am stupid, and I'm not happy unless my life is a living pit of hell and the universe conspires to help me by ensuring that my life, does in fact always suck. Then I can enjoy being miserable.
I'd like to close today on a more serious note. Two nights ago, my sister's pet cat, Cosmo, was hit by a car. She was rushed to the vet, but there was nothing they could do. Cosmo was a little bit over a year old, not even finished growing yet. While I was at home over the break, I was struck with the impulse to spend the last few shots I had on a roll of film to photograph all three of our cats and our dog. Now I'm glad I did. Cosmo was just about the cutest little kitten who ever lived, and she was always amusing to have around the house, even if she wasn't good for much else. In that respect, she reminded me of a younger me. I will miss her, and I wish I could be there for my sister. Rest in Peace, Cosmo (12/1/99-1/17/01)
Ken
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